3-7
by HR always live on
Summary: Another HR story, set after 3-7, where Ruth is kidnapped by Andrew Forestall. My look at what could have happened afterwards, had the writers focused a little more on HR! Trying to keep tied in with the canon episodes. :) Chapter 27 posted.
1. Chapter 1

**Multi chapter HR fic, set directly after 3-7, when Ruth is kidnapped by Andrew Forestall. Changing some of the minor details as I need to, but hoping to keep it generally in canon (but a bit happier!)**

* * *

Ruth had spent a sleepless night tossing and turning. No matter what she tried, she couldn't get to sleep until daybreak. When she finally did get to sleep, she was awoken much earlier than she'd have liked by her doorbell ringing, repeatedly. Glancing at the clock, she saw it was just before ten in the morning. She sighed, throwing a thick baggy jumper on and didn't bother changing out of her pyjama trousers, and went downstairs to the rhythm of the bell.

"I'm coming," she said, though she recognised the silhouette through the glass on her front door. It was Harry. She fumbled with the locks, which took longer than normal as she was so tired, and opened it.

Harry stood there breathing heavily, but he seemed to relax when his eyes took her in. Ruth didn't say a word, just turned aside and let Harry follow her into the kitchen. She put the kettle on out of habit and neither of them had said a word.

"When you didn't turn up at work, I got worried," Harry said softly.

"Forgive me for not calling," she said sarcastically. "I've had a rather bad twenty four hours."

"Well, the last time you didn't call in, you'd been kidnapped. I rather thought I'd check on you."

"Mm," she said, supposing he had a point. She reached for the mugs on the top shelf of her cupboard, but her hands were shaking too much, and one smashed. Harry rushed to help and she shook her head.

"Sorry, my arms are… well, they ache a little."

"That happens," he said gently. "Do you want tea or coffee?" He moved her aside and continued to make their drinks.

"Tea," she said. "Thanks." She sat down at the table, rubbing her arms and Harry could see briefly red rings around her wrists from where she'd been tied up. He didn't say anything until they were sat together, drinks in hand. She warmed her fingers on the mug, blinking at the surface of her drink.

"You don't look well." She didn't. Her face was chalky white, her eyes were red and she had dark circles under her eyes. She looked as if she'd never smile again.

"I look terrible, Harry," she said, knowing it was true. "I was tied up next to a corpse for ten hours," she said bluntly. "After having seen one of my old friends die right in front of me. I've been better, Harry."

"He was…"

"I know what he was," she said, very angrily. "It doesn't make this any easier."

"Ruth…" he tailed off, not wanting to finish his sentence.

"What?" He still didn't speak, looking highly uncomfortable. "Spit it out, Harry," she said sharply. "I'm sorry," she added in a softer tone. "I don't mean to be harsh, it's the lack of sleep."

"Did he rape you?" he asked. She caught his eye for a moment and saw the genuine concern there.

"No, Harry," she said. "No, he didn't. But... being tied up in the house of someone who's lost the plot and you don't know what he might do… it's… shaken me. I'm not up to work today, and I don't know when I will be."

"I'm not here for work," he said. "I'm here to make sure you're okay and… hopefully as a friend."

"Thank you," she said warmly, taking a sip of tea. "I do appreciate it."

He smiled at her, a warm genuine smile that reached his eyes. She'd rarely, if ever seen him smile like that.

"I don't know when I'm coming back to work," she said. "Or even if I am."

"Ruth…"

"I'm lonely, Harry," she said. "So lonely. Before he revealed his true colours, talking to Andrew made me think. I never intended to dedicate my life to work, to MI5. I never intended to spend my life alone. I don't like my life right now. And if I worked a normal nine to five job, I might be forced to go out and get a life outside of my work."

"You can't leave, Ruth," he said fervently.

"Why not?" she asked, looking at him directly. He did not break their eye contact and neither did she as the seconds passed. Eventually he shrugged.

"It's not the right time," he said, looking at his tea.

"No, Harry," she said. "If there's a reason to stay at section D, tell me."

He breathed heavily. "You should take some time… to recover from the shock. Before you make any hasty decisions."

Ruth felt disappointed that he hadn't said anything more personal. She had no reason to expect anything personal, but she did live in hope. She'd had a crush on her boss for quite some time, even though the word "crush" was more of a teenage word that she didn't like. But it seemed like the best fit for what she felt for Harry.

"What are you working on today?" she asked, in order to change the subject.

"Just paperwork until something more drastic comes in."

"Mm, well tempting as that sounds, I think I'll stay here." He smiled.

"I don't blame you. Get some sleep."

"Yes," she said. Clearly something in her tone made him stop.

"I woke you up, didn't I?"

"Don't worry about it," she said with a smile. "I'm going back to bed." He smiled tightly and she nodded. He got up, the silence slightly uncomfortable until he left her house. She sighed and shook her head once she was alone. She was far too tired and her pride was too hurt from being held captive to think too long about Harry. In private, he took up a lot of her thoughts. Maybe even most of them. But not right now. Right now, she needed sleep.

* * *

.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thanks for the reviews for chapter one. I am planning to make things happier on the HR front, and try to stick to what was shown on screen.**

* * *

On Monday, Ruth felt she'd been at home licking her wounds long enough. Her arms still ached, but she needed to be back at work. She had calmed down since speaking to Harry and no longer felt the instant need to leave MI5. But her private concerns were still there, and she was tired of feeling so lonely. She knew she needed someone. But right now, that was a battle for another day.

She went through the pods and saw both Adam and Malcolm look up from their desks at her arrival. Malcolm smiled that lopsided smile of his which made Ruth smile in turn.

"It's good to have you back," he said.

"Thanks."

"Are you okay?" Adam asked.

"I'll survive." Ruth walked over to her desk and resisted from dropping her jaw with difficulty. Her in tray was towering with so many folders and files, that she knew if she were sat down, she wouldn't be able to even see Harry's office.

"Has anyone gone through any of the intelligence since I've been gone?"

"Yes, but that's what was left over," Malcolm said apologetically. "Sorry."

"Have you got time to give me a hand?" she asked. He took a few files off of the top of the mountain, as did Colin.

"Thank you."

She sat down and got to work, trying to be as thorough as possible, while trying to finish the pile of paperwork before Christmas.

At about eleven, she felt Harry's eyes on her, and looked towards his office. He nodded to her and she took that as an invitation to come in.

She got up and knocked once, opening the door without waiting for an answer. "Harry?"

"Close the door," he said. She did and waited for him to say something. He cleared his throat before speaking.

"How are you?"

"I'm fine." She spoke so quickly that Harry clearly considered it a snap reaction and he sighed.

"Ruth, last time I saw you…"

"I wasn't doing well," she finished, sitting down opposite him. "I feel a lot better after a few good nights sleep."

"Well, I'm glad," he said. "But what you said about leaving MI5...?"

"Don't worry, you don't have to look for a replacement analyst," she said. "I've calmed down. And remembered that I _usually_ enjoy my job."

"I wasn't asking from a professional standpoint Ruth," he said lowly. "I was concerned about you, after your ordeal." He looked down at the red rings on her wrists which were still vivid. Noticing his attention, she pulled down her shirt sleeves to hide them.

"Harry, I'm okay," she said. "I had a bad week." She smiled slightly at the understatement and he nodded in agreement. "I'm okay."

"Listen, Ruth. I've been thinking. Would you…" he was cut off by the shrill ringing of his phone and he sighed heavily in a way that made Ruth very curious about what he'd been interrupted from saying.

"I'm sorry," he said, answering the phone on speaker. "Yes?"

"Mr Pearce, I thought you'd want to know. Oliver Mace has just been cleared from security."

"Thank you," Harry said.

"Do you want to…" he said indicating the door.

"Yes," she said. Ruth had no desire to be in closer proximity to Oliver Mace than she had to be. For some reason he made her skin crawl. And she now felt a bite of annoyance that Harry had been interrupted. She was almost sure that whatever he'd been about to say was personal. The soft look in his hazel eyes, the tilt of his head. Telling her to close the door.

As Mace walked onto the grid she gave herself a mental shake. Of course Harry wasn't going to be talking personal with her. The fact that she found his hazel eyes so damn attractive that she could drown in them, and his full pout so kissable was besides the point.

* * *

For some reason, section D were in charge of handling the kidnapping of some celebrity It couple's baby. While all of them felt sympathy for the abducted child, they also felt that this was not their job, politics be damned.

Meanwhile Ruth was looking for a girl that a politician, John Sylvester, said might be in hospital. The problem was that London had quite a few hospitals and Ruth didn't have a name to work from. But she would find her, she knew that. No matter how long it took.

By the end of the day, she had the photographs. She walked into Harry's office without knocking. Harry curled his right hand into a fist and rapped his knuckles against his desk.

"I hear knocking's the done thing," he said sternly, but his eyes were twinkling at her so she didn't take it too seriously.

"I found her." She handed the file over. "Kensington mortuary."

Harry sighed but took the photos and flicked through them. "Poor girl. Will we ever know her name?" He went through them again. "How did you get these?"

"What, and reveal all my secrets?" She smiled at him as he raised an eyebrow, so she elaborated. "I know a girl on the Greater London murder squad. She wants to get in to GCHQ, I've said I'll put in a word. So, she emailed these to me. Without her superiors knowing."

"Dear God Ruth, is any institution in this country safe from you?"

"I like to think not," she said. Unsure of herself as she was personally, professionally she knew she was good at her job. Harry closed the file and threw it on his desk, before leaning against it, looking at her.

"We were interrupted earlier," he said. "I wanted to… ask you something." She nodded, waiting. "Would you like to have dinner with me? Somewhere… far away from this building and everything in it. With no discussion of work." Harry was aware he was rambling slightly, but he couldn't help it. He badly wanted her to say yes, and it surprised him quite how badly.

She stayed silent, thinking it over for a minute. Making sure she wasn't having a severe hallucination or colourful daydream. "Yes."

"Really?"

"I'd love to, Harry," she said, smiling. "Though next time you ask me, I would prefer if we hadn't just been discussing a murdered anonymous girl," she said, nodding at the folder on his desk.

"Actually, we were discussing your brilliance at hacking into various secure agencies," he said. "And yes, my timing could have been better, but if I wait for the perfect moment to ask, it may never happen." She conceded the point with a slight nod. "I'll book somewhere."

"I'd love that, Harry," she said. "Shall I carry on trying to find her name?"

"Mm," he agreed, work mode slipping back into place. "I'll keep the copies of the photos. Get Sylvester to resign and call the police." Ruth nodded and left his office, but she had a small private smile to herself. God, she'd have to go shopping. She knew nothing in her wardrobe would be suitable for a dinner out with Harry.

* * *

 **More sometime this week (hopefully!)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I have taken some of the script from 3-9 to try and make this story fit with canon. Hopefully this will be enjoyed!**

* * *

The baby had been found buried in a shallow grave. That night, after the case was over, Ruth found herself lying in bed, thinking over the bloody mess of the whole operation. It was late, but her phone buzzed and she looked at the text message.

 _Are you awake? H._

She didn't bother replying, instead she called him straight back. "Yes, I'm awake," she said as he answered the call.

"How are you?" he asked.

"Okay," she said. "Tired. Did you get Sylvester…"

"Yes," Harry said. "I gave Adam the pictures. They'll probably be published some point this week."

"Good," she said fervently.

"Listen, I've booked a restaurant for tomorrow night…" Harry said. Ruth sighed but otherwise didn't answer and he suddenly felt nervous and wrong footed. "If that's all right…"

"I've been thinking, Harry," she said.

"You've changed your mind," he said heavily.

"No," she said, but she didn't sound convincing and he sighed. "No," she repeated more firmly. "I've been thinking about us at work. I don't want anything that might happen between us to affect our work. I don't want to be the fodder for the gossip mills. I'd rather keep our personal life private. As private as possible I mean. I don't want it to make it to the grid."

"Of course," he said and she could hear the relief in those two small words. It surprised her that he wanted their dinner date to go ahead as much as she did. "So, tomorrow night?"

"I really would love to…"

"But?" he asked, sensing something in her tone.

"I don't… I ordered a dress online. It won't be delivered in time." She felt silly and foolish for voicing something so trivial, but what she wore when out with Harry mattered to her more than it should do.

"Ruth, whatever you wear, you will look…" he paused as if considering. "Beautiful." The word sent shivers up her spine, the low way he said it. She didn't believe that, but the way he said it, maybe he believed that. "But if it means that much to you, we'll just have to go out again. So you can wear that dress."

She laughed lightly into the phone. "Tomorrow night sounds perfect. Where are we going?"

"The Five Fields," he said. She smiled to herself. A nice, rather exclusive and expensive restaurant she seemed to remember. She couldn't wait.

"Sounds wonderful," she said. And it did. An awkward silence descended on the phone line, with neither of them knowing quite what to say. "I'm going to go. I need some sleep before we start again at work tomorrow."

"Okay," he said. "Goodnight Ruth."

"Night Harry." She put the phone down and smiled to herself. She was cautiously looking forward to tomorrow night.

* * *

For the first time in a long time, Ruth woke up smiling. She just hoped that no emergencies would happen at work to interrupt there plans. She still had no idea what she would wear, but right now that wasn't her priority. She was going to enjoy tonight.

During the day, she kept up with some low level analysis, keeping her fingers crossed that nothing would get in the way for tonight. Also she kept looking to Harry's office, trying to limit how long she kept staring at him. It wasn't really working though.

People started to leave the grid after five, in drips and drabs as there was no immediate threat, and before she registered it, only herself, Sam and Harry remained. Looking at her watch, Ruth realised that she had to get home to get changed if she was going to make their reservation. She sent the CCTV footage she had been tracking over to Sam's monitor, talking her through the last task of the day.

"When Mr Morgan gets home then you can leave him be." She found her lipstick in her bag and started reapplying it. "You sure you don't mind if I don't stay until the bitter end?" Sam smiled at her and shook her head.

"A tail car will follow him into the village. And then there's a covert team lined up for the overnight watch, and then you can go home."

"You go on," Sam said, a twinkle in her eye.

"Oh, Harry's got a car booked for eight." He was going to pick her up on the way to the restaurant. And he wasn't using a driver either, to try and keep their personal life away from Thames House as much as possible.

"If there are any problems…" Ruth said.

"It's fine, honest." Ruth nodded once and buried her makeup back in her bag.

"You off out tonight?"

"Maybe." she said with a small smile. "See you tomorrow," Ruth said, walking towards the pods.

"Ruth, our man here lives off junction…?"

"Junction five."

"So why is he coming off at four?" Ruth turned back and looked at the screen, her heart plummeting.

"No. No please don't do this. Not tonight." She sighed, visions of her lovely intimate dinner with Harry going up in smoke. "We better get Harry," she said, with reluctance. Sam looked at Ruth and she knew that she'd be the one getting Harry.

So Ruth walked through to his office, not knocking as she went in. Harry smiled at her, and the warmth on his face made her feel even more disappointed. "We've got a problem."

"What?" His face clouded over like thunder.

"Robert Morgan who we've had under surveillance has made a detour. And…"

"We're not getting out of here, are we?" he said.

"No." He closed his eyes and sighed. Ruth acted on impulse, reaching across the desk and squeezing his hand gently. She only did that because she knew that the blinds were closed, and that apart from Sam, the grid was empty. He turned his hand over so the palm was up and she gently ran her fingertips over his skin. They both stared at their joined hands as the seconds ticked by. Suddenly she came back to herself, realising what she was doing and snatched her hand back. "I'll cancel the reservation," he said heavily.

"Postpone," she corrected lightly. "Don't cancel." His eyes lit up for a moment.

"Yes, postpone." he agreed. He picked up the phone. "I'll have a look at the footage in a moment." She left him alone, going back to the footage of Morgan. Couldn't he have waited one more bloody day?


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you so much for the reviews for this! A slightly longer chapter this time.**

* * *

They'd gone home for only a few hours sleep before they were back on the grid, with the rest of the team. Harry read some of the latest correspondence that had come in overnight, and some that he'd been ignoring for a few days when he realised he'd been invited to interview for the DG position. _Bloody hell_. He knew his name had been floating around upstairs as a possible replacement, but he didn't think it would actually materialise into anything. Now it had, he knew instantly that he didn't want the job. Overseeing the whole of MI5? No. He didn't want that. He liked getting his hands dirty from time to time, he liked knowing what was actually going on, rather than having it fed to him third hand on the top floor. He picked up his phone and called through to Ruth's desk phone.

"Yes?"

"Ruth, I need a private word." She looked at him from across the grid and something in either his face or his tone let her know this wasn't personal.

"Give me a minute." She disconnected the call and Harry watched her carefully as she typed away on her computer, then walked into his office.

"What's wrong?" she asked, sitting down.

"Why would anything be wrong?"

"The look on your face," she said. "What is it?"

"I've been asked to interview for the position of Director General."

"Wow," Ruth said, her eyebrows rising in surprise. "That's great, congratulations."

"Well, when they ask, it's not something you say no to."

"Why would you want to say no?" she asked, surprised.

"I don't want to be on the top floor, losing touch with reality. I want to know what really goes on, rather than what people choose to tell me, which would happen if I were the DG."

"Harry, you can't say no."

"No, I'm hoping you can help me… fail gracefully."

"I will if you'd like me to."

"But…"

"Not at the expense of our current operation," she said. "Of course."

He nodded in thanks. "And I don't want it public knowledge that I've been nominated for the position."

"My lips are sealed." Harry's eyes dipped to said lips for a few moments and she looked down, feeling a little overwhelmed at his attention. "Shall we…?"

"Yes." Ruth left his office, a slight smile on her face.

* * *

The day flew by with Adam getting limited intelligence from Robert Morgan. It was late and Ruth stifled a yawn before picking up the relevant folders and going into Harry's office.

"Have you got time to go over some prep for the interview?"

"Yes," he said, nodding at the door. She took the hint and closed it.

"Look," Harry said heavily. "I know you want to talk through this, and I do to. But it's late, I'm hungry and I want to go home. Why don't we go to mine, I'll get a takeaway and we'll discuss this where there are less prying eyes. I don't want people knowing about this interview."

Ruth considered it for a moment. Being in Harry's house felt more intimate than work would allow for, but as soon as he'd mentioned food, her stomach rumbled. She hoped Harry hadn't heard that.

"A takeaway sounds wonderful. I'm starving."

"Lets go then. I don't think we're going to get more out of Morgan tonight, and everyone needs some rest." Ruth nodded and went to get her coat. She was too tired and hungry to care about anyone noticing if she and Harry were leaving at the same time.

They shared a car to Harry's house but didn't say much. It wasn't uncomfortable, just quiet. It didn't take long to get there and Ruth was slightly concerned to see someone on Harry's doorstep. He didn't seem bothered though, getting out of the car and thanking the driver. Harry walked over to the figure, took a carrier bag from him and thanked him as the man disappeared down the street.

"Er… Harry?" Ruth asked in bewilderment.

"I called him from the grid," Harry said, unlocking the door and disabling the security system. Ruth watched as he put his index finger to an electronic pad by the door.

"You have fingerprint security on your house?" she asked in surprise.

"After I got robbed last year," he said darkly. "I wanted to be sure I was the only one who could get in." Fair enough, Ruth thought to herself. He walked into the kitchen and she followed, watching from the doorway as Harry unwrapped their food. The scent of fish and chips reached her and she closed her eyes in bliss. It smelt amazing.

"I didn't want to wait," he said. "I often call James when I've been working late."

"He delivers your takeaway?" she asked, surprised that he trusted someone with his home address as she sat down opposite him.

"He gets well paid for it," he said. "It's just easier. I hope you like cod and chips."

"Perfect," she said. His kitchen was immaculate. It looked modern, and hardly ever used. She guessed that was because he was never home to cook anything for himself and she felt a stab of pity at how hard she knew he worked. Though she was hardly one to talk, was she?

"Oh, don't bother," she said to Harry as he handed her a fork. "I always ate fish and chips with my fingers when growing up. It was chips on the beach in soggy paper and doused in vinegar. It was lovely." They started eating, both starving.

"Did you go to the beach often?" he asked quietly.

"In the summer," she said. "Quite a bit. Before my dad died anyway. Then things between my mother and I… Well, they became strained."

"Do you see her often?"

"No. Christmas. That's about it. It's a long train down to Exeter. Three and a half hours. I'm on call all the time, I can't be that far away from London. And I'd probably make an excuse not to see her anyway," she said fairly, shaking her head. "Let's stop talking about such a depressive subject."

"Okay," he said. They were quiet until they'd finished their meals which took a very short time.

"Thank you," she said. "That was wonderful."

"Not really the dinner I'd first planned," he said.

"Next week when things have quietened down a bit," she said, smiling at him.

* * *

About an hour later, they found themselves in the lounge, a bottle of red wine open as they discussed Harry's DG interview. Ruth was on the sofa, her feet up and Harry had taken the arm chair.

"I think you should be prepared to answer questions on four main areas. The state of readiness of the service, your character and operational experience and most importantly the nature of the present threat. How far do we go to combat it? How far do we go in all senses." She took a sip of wine as Harry answered.

"Is there anything we shouldn't be doing, yes I like that."

Ruth put her files down and looked at Harry. "How about the other candidates, do we know who they are?"

"Of course not." She kept looking at him, her meaning plain. "Nor Ruth, could I openly approve of anyone trying to find them out."

"But if I managed to find out, and a list of them happened…?"

"To find it's way onto my desk? Then I'd have to send it back to its rightful owner, unopened." She smiled, taking the point and draining her glass. "Thank you for this. Helping me."

"Of course," she said. "Why wouldn't I?"

"I don't want this job, Ruth."

"I know." He sighed heavily, leaning back on his chair and closing his eyes.

"I'm exhausted."

"I should probably go then," she said, though she made no effort to get up from the sofa.

"I wasn't hinting," he said. "It's just been a long week." He poured some more wine for them both and she didn't object. "Ruth…" He was interrupted by his phone buzzing. "I'll be back in a minute." She nodded as he left.

Harry read the message, then called the grid. It was nothing urgent, just the fact that Morgan wasn't giving in and Adam would be back in a few hours some point in the middle of the night. To be honest, Harry could have done without the update, but he didn't know if that was simple irritation at being interrupted when he was with Ruth.

He returned to the lounge and he smiled at the sight that confronted him. Ruth's head had tilted onto her shoulder and she'd fallen asleep. He smiled at her warmly, before leaving to find a blanket. He returned quickly, taking her precariously balanced glass of wine out of her hand and putting it on the coffee table. He covered Ruth with a blanket and she moved slightly as he disturbed her.

"No, go back to sleep," he said gently.

"You sure?" she asked, still with her eyes closed.

"Absolutely." She sighed heavily and relaxed into sleep again. Harry stroked her hair lightly, feeling the softness slide between his fingers. He couldn't resist. Her lips twitched a little and he let her go. He longed to kiss her, but fought the urge because he didn't want to take advantage of her. He spent long minutes watching her sleep, wondering if he'd ever get the chance again. To see her so relaxed that all the worry had gone from her face. After a while, he turned the lights off, and left Ruth to it.

* * *

 **More soon. And I've again stolen some lines from the spooks script of 3-9.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I've struggled a little with this chapter, so I hope it still reads okay!**

* * *

In the morning, Harry poked his head into the lounge, and saw Ruth was still asleep. By the time he'd boiled the kettle for tea, she was stirring. She sat up on the sofa, blinking her eyes blearily.

"Morning," Harry said, handing her a cup of tea. She pinched the bridge of her nose as she attempted to regain her grip on reality.

"Sorry for falling asleep," she said.

"Don't be," he said.

She rubbed her hand over her face, trying to wake herself up. "God, I probably look a fright."

"You look beautiful." He spoke lowly, without thinking about the words before he'd said them, and now they were hanging in the air. She looked at him intensely, without saying anything at all. Her eyes dipped to his throat where he hadn't yet buttoned up his shirt completely. He noted her attention, but said nothing, almost holding his breath until her eyes slid away.

"I should go home. Get changed before coming in to work."

"Take your time," he said.

"I'm not having any preferential treatment Harry," she said firmly, taking a sip of her tea.

"You were working overtime until near midnight last night," he said. "You can be five minutes late. Let me drive you over to yours."

"No," she said. "With morning traffic, it really will be quicker on the tube."

"If you're sure?"

"Yes," she said. "Thanks for not disturbing me. Though my neck aches a bit."

"No problem," he said, his eyes smiling more than his lips were.

"I should go," she repeated, getting up and handing him her mug of tea. Their fingertips brushed slightly and she couldn't help the frisson of excitement that ran up her spine, even from that light touch. She quickly ran her fingers through her hair, trying to neaten her appearance somewhat before grabbing her coat and her bag. "I'll see you later."

To Harry, her abrupt moves towards departure seemed to imply that she was uncomfortable when he'd touched her. "Are you frightened of me?" he asked before he'd considered the words.

"No!" she said. "Why would you think that?"

"You're making your escape quite quickly, that's all."

"I'm not generally a morning person," she said. "I need an hour or two to wake up. To function normally."

"Okay," he said gently as she put her coat on. "Just checking." She reached for him and squeezed his hand tightly.

"I'll see you later."

"Yes," he agreed. She smiled, then turned and left his house.

* * *

Over the past thirty six hours, they'd barely had time to talk to each other about anything beyond the operation, let alone anything else. The grid was almost empty and Harry walked over to her desk.

"See? Wrongs righted, evildoers brought to heel, miracles performed. Is there no end to our goodness Ruth?" He handed her a letter before continuing. "I got down to the final two and then they parachuted a late contender into the job."

"But that's good isn't it, that's what you wanted." Ruth could tell Harry was disappointed, but she wasn't sure why. She'd been so convinced that he'd wanted to stay where he was.

"Yes, but it's still annoying when the best man for the job is passed over for a politician. Seems you were right."

"Yes. But I'm pleased." Harry smiled at her softly. "Are we on for… tonight?" he asked, almost nervously.

"If you can get a table anywhere?" He nodded, but shut up because Danny was walking over. While they were in discussion, he noticed that Ruth was sorting her hair out in a little hand mirror.

"Off out are we Ruth?" he teased, hoping it would go over Danny's head.

"Yes. I'm only three days late," she said easily. "And if anything happens between here and the pods, please don't tell me."

"Ruth?"

"I'm not listening." He laughed, he couldn't help it as Ruth went through the pods. He'd pick her up in half an hour or so, once he'd booked a table. He knew he'd be able to get something. He had a few maitre'D contacts who he used when they wanted to bug some diplomats conversations. It shouldn't be too difficult.

* * *

Ruth pushed her feet into a pair of black heels that she hadn't worn in years. They were at the back of her wardrobe and she'd decided that they went well with her little black dress that she'd bought specifically for he occasion. It was knee length with short sleeves, and rather tighter than she'd normally be comfortable in wearing. But if Harry was taking her out for a nice meal, she was going to make an impression. Hopefully a good one.

Just as she was ready, her doorbell rang. Feeling nervous, she opened it and smiled at Harry. He wore a light blue shirt and dark jacket, and she felt a surge of butterflies which she hadn't expected. His face went momentarily blank as he looked at her, his eyes slowly going up and down her figure. His face was so inscrutable, that she started to wonder if she really looked terrible, and this dress had been a mistake as his eyes returned to hers. "You look… unbelievable," he said. "Wow." He gave himself a small shake. "I've got a taxi waiting."

"Let me grab my coat." She did, and then they left.

* * *

"So where are we going?"

"The Ledbury."

"How did you get a table there at such short notice?" Harry was silent. "Or shouldn't I ask?"

"I know how to pull strings," he said enigmatically.

"Okay, the less I know…" She smiled at him. "Just as long as it was nothing illegal?" she asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Of course not," he said indignantly. She laughed gently. "Thank you." She frowned at him. "For supporting me this week. It's been a difficult week."

"I'd miss you," she said quietly. "Were you on the top floor, I'd miss you."

"I'm sure had that happened, you'd have dazzled my replacement with your brilliance."

"Yes, but I'd have to start going through the formality of knocking, wouldn't I?" she teased lightly. His lips twitched with amusement. "I would miss you," she added more seriously.

He looked at her softly. "I know. But we're breaking the rule about talking about work," he said lightly. She nodded in agreement.

They were quiet until they got to the restaurant, which didn't take long. When they sat at their table and Ruth took her coat off, Harry's eyes lingered on her deliciously.

"Can I say again, how beautiful you look this evening?" he said. She smiled, her eyes sparkling.

"You scrub up rather nicely yourself," she said. She allowed herself to look over him, her eyes pausing on his throat for a moment.

"White or red?" he asked, looking at the wine list.

"I prefer red," she said.

"Red it is then."

* * *

"I've been to Japan," she said as the waiter cleared their empty plates away.

"When?" Harry asked, not having heard her mention it before.

"Oh, the Easter holidays when I was in University," she said. "I went to Kyoto. Such a beautiful place. I loved it. I wanted to see the cherry blossom festival, the geisha. It was so wonderful."

"Why Japan?" he asked. "It can't have been a cheap holiday when you were at university."

"It wasn't," she said. "I read a lot when I was a child and a teenager. Japan always seemed so… far away from everything I knew. A different world. It took hold of my imagination somewhat."

"Paris," Harry countered, pouring some wine for them both. "Best place I've ever been."

"Mm," she said, clearly not agreeing with him.

"Beautiful city," Harry said. "And unlike most places I've been to in Europe, I wasn't there because of operational reasons."

"Fair enough, but… you know, I can't actually argue with you."

"No?"

"I've never been there."

"Ruth, it's just across the channel!" he said indignantly. How can you not have been?"

"Other places further a field to explore," she said with a shrug.

"I'll take you there one day," he said. "A quick jaunt on the Eurostar."

"That would be… wonderful," she said. "I would like to see Paris one day." He reached across the table and took her hand in his, his fingers dancing over her skin very lightly, sending shivers down her spine. She let her own fingertips play over his palm and she felt her face flushing a little, even as she smiled.

"I havent been to very many places which were purely to enjoy the culture. Usually I was there for work, so those cities don't tend to hold a place in my heart."

"What about New York?"

Harry screwed up his face slightly. "It's too…"

"American?" she suggested, biting her lip to stop herself from smiling.

"I was going to say, it's too over populated," he said. "Too many people." She inclined her head. "But yes. Too American. I hear an American accent and half of me is getting ready to do battle with the CIA." She squeezed his hand gently. "Probably will until the day I die."

A waiter came over with a menu for dessert which he silently placed on the table. Neither let go of the others hand. "Dessert?" he asked, his voice low and seductive and his eyes almost twinkling at her, and she wondered if he was simply asking about pudding.

"I couldn't," she said. "The steak was amazing, but I'm too full to eat anything else." He nodded. "But don't let me stop you." He shook his head slightly and didn't pick up the menu.

"We should get home," he said, very reluctantly. "Sadly we're both at work in the morning."

"Quite frankly I'm amazed neither one of us has been called in for some emergency," she said. He nodded in agreement.

"Shall we?" Being the perfect gentleman, he helped her put her coat on, his fingertips brushing against her neck gently. His hand lingered and ran through her hair for a moment, and she noticed.

* * *

It was a contented quiet between the pair of them in the taxi back to Ruth's house, neither knowing quite what to say. The streets were relatively quiet, so it didn't take long to get there. When they pulled up outside, Harry asked the driver to wait. He took Ruth to her door. "You could come inside," she said quietly. "You don't have to go."

"I do," he said quietly.

"Oh," she murmured. She was disappointed. She was hoping for a coffee with him, and maybe a kiss or two goodnight. "I had a lovely evening, Harry."

"So did I," he said. "I would love to take you out again?" He seemed confident but the hint of a question belied that outward appearance.

"Yes," she said, smiling. Harry leaned in close to her and kissed her cheek. She couldn't help herself, she twisted her head and caught his lips with hers. He stilled for a moment, but after she sighed with pleasure into him, her hand pulling his hair, he reacted, kissing her deeply. She pressed her body into his and he groaned quietly. He parted from her after a long minute and looked at her in the dim street light. Her face was flushed, her lips looking so very kissable.

"I'm going home," he said at the same time the taxi honked it's horn in impatience.

"Okay," she said. "Goodnight, Harry." She smiled and let her fingertips caress his face very gently before closing the door. Harry sighed with pleasure and returned to the taxi, a smile on his face.


	6. Chapter 6

**Apparently I'm more productive when I don't have work to go to. Who knew? Anyway, I've tweaked some of the script from 3-10 for my own purposes.**

* * *

The next morning, Ruth couldn't stop smiling. The only thing she wished had gone differently would be Harry's kisses. She wanted more. Though she had started to get a suspicion that with Harry, she would always want more. It would never be enough with him.

She tied her hair up, all the while thinking of Harry's fingers lingering on her neck. She wondered if she'd think of that every time she put her hair up. Well, maybe for the near future, she might. Ruth arrived on the grid early on purpose. She needed time to be sucked into depressing terror reports and chatter, in order to wipe the smile off of her face before her co-workers arrived. What surprised her was that she wasn't the first there.

Harry sat in his office on the phone and she hoped a disaster hadn't already happened this early in the day. Ruth kept watching him on the phone and could see his lips moving, but when his eyes found her, he smiled slightly. She smiled back in response, before going to the kitchenette to make them both a cup of tea. She wouldn't have done this had anyone else been present, but she had at least half an hour before anyone else turned up. After all, Harry had asked her out, treated her to a lovely meal and given her a wonderful evening. Making him a cup of tea might not be a huge move forward, but it was a small step.

Coming back onto the grid, she was pleased to see that Harry had finished his phone call, so she wouldn't be interrupting. With slight difficulty due to her full hands, she opened the door and put his mug down on his desk.

"Morning," she said, a smile pulling at her lips.

"Thank you," he said, indicating the tea. "How are you?" His voice and eyes were soft and they both knew they'd have to cover this up before the grid filled up.

"I slept like a baby," she said. And it was true, she slept better than she had in months. "Is everything okay? The phone call," she added when he frowned at her. "Yes, I'm nosey. Especially when a phone call makes you look so worried. It makes me think someone's planted a nuclear bomb on the London eye." He rolled his eyes at that and she smiled.

"Everything's fine," he said heavily. "Or work wise, anyway. It was Catherine."

"She's calling you?" Ruth asked. Harry's eyes lit up with joy.

"She is," he said. "It's the time difference, makes us miss each other. I just need to hear from her."

"Where is she?"

He took a deep breath. "Iraq."

"Oh, Harry," she said sadly.

"No, she's on her way home in a few days," he said, clearly trying to reassure himself more than her.

"Harry, she'll be fine."

"Doesn't stop me from worrying."

"Of course you worry," she said. "Do you ever think she might have got it from you? Would you have listened, had your parents told you at twenty three or four? Telling you not to go to a dangerous country?"

"No," he said, pouting. "And stop trying to defeat me with logic."

She smiled as he drank his tea. When the silence became a little uncomfortable, Ruth spoke. "I really enjoyed last night."

"So did I." He reached across the table and took her hand. "And I meant what I said about taking you to Paris."

"It sounds wonderful…"

"But?" Harry asked, correctly reading her silence.

"When are we going to be able to get the time off?" she said.

"Stop being so practical," he said, frowning at her in a way that made her smile. The pods whirred and Ruth dropped his hand instantly. She felt the loss of his touch, but couldn't do anything further about it.

"Shall we…" Ruth nodded and got on with her work. As much fun as it might be flirting with Harry, it wouldn't get any work done.

* * *

The next few days were a blur of paperwork and catching up on sleep. When they were alone, there was gentle flirting between the two of them, but nothing further. Soon enough they were swallowed up into another operation, though it wasn't a dire situation. Yet. They still hadn't managed to go out together again, which was a shame. Ruth wanted to enjoy Harry's company (and other charms) away from the grid. But it seemed she'd have to wait, as every time they arranged something, work or JIC meetings got in the way.

Snapping herself out of thoughts of the lack of Harry in her personal life, she picked up the phone. "Yes?"

"Hi Ruth, it's Adam. I need you to cancel my meeting with Harry."

"Okay sure," she said. "Everything all right?"

"Yeah, I've just met up with Danny and Fiona, and we're following up a lead."

"Fine, I'll let him know," Ruth said. "You never did tell me what you got Fiona for her birthday."

"I got her the chocolates, like you suggested." Ruth paused.

"I suggested?" she questioned.

"Yeah, it seems like your suggestion was the best in the end."

"Okay." From his tone, she knew that something was deeply wrong. And he clearly couldn't say what it was. "I'll pass the message on," she said.

"Bye." The line disconnected and she took a moment to gather herself before going into Harry's office.

"Something's wrong," he said.

"How do you know?"

"You knocked."

"Adam called to cancel your meeting."

"Okay," Harry asked, waiting for the other shoe to drop.

"He said he was with Danny and Fiona. Also something about Fiona's birthday present and…"

"And what?" Harry asked blankly.

"He said he bought her chocolates, like I suggested."

"I thought that was my suggestion," he said.

"Exactly."

"Ruth, it doesn't matter. Ask him when he gets in."

"Look, please just listen to me. I know I'm a desk spook with no field experience, and you might think that I don't know what I'm talking about."

"Calm down," he said. "You know I value what you think, don't insinuate that I don't."

She nodded. "Then please. Take me seriously. Something's wrong." She tried to impart on him without words about how convinced she was that Adam was in trouble.

She saw the moment of decision on his face. "Red flash the entire team." She sighed in relief. "But if they're all sitting in the meeting room in twenty minutes and you've jeopardised an important operation because Adam made one verbal mistake…" He looked grim and she nodded.

"Thank you." She said.

"Ruth, we can't… because of our personal relationship, we can't… take advantage of each other at work." She sighed and walked back to him.

"Do you trust my professional opinion?"

"I always do," he said honestly.

"Well, in my professional opinion, there's a serious problem. I'm going to red flash the team." He nodded in agreement as she left. From the frown on her face, she was genuinely concerned. He only hoped she was right, for many reasons. If he had to discipline her professionally, that could get very awkward for them personally. Which is exactly why work shouldn't be involved in his private life. But he couldn't bring himself to regret it. He really liked her, and it had been years since he'd felt like this.

* * *

"Still nothing?" he asked. Ruth shook her head. The red flash was thirty five minutes ago now. They were meant to call in after ten at the latest, if they couldn't get to the grid. "Trace Adam's call." Malcolm did, and soon they found him on CCTV sitting with a woman outside a café. The woman looked middle eastern, but running her through face recognition had so far come up blank.

"I have an idea," Zaf said. Harry allowed him to talk him through the plan while Ruth and Malcolm kept trying to trace Adam and the others whereabouts. This was going to be a stressful day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you so much for the reviews so far. Another slightly longer chapter here.**

* * *

Ruth heard the gunshot and froze. That couldn't have been Danny. He couldn't have been shot. No. She was listening to silence, not knowing what to say or do. Danny could not have been shot, she wouldn't allow herself to contemplate it. Adam's voice came on the line.

"Come on Ruth, help me. Fiona's still in danger! Tell me about the girl."

"There's no information on her," Ruth said. "We've run her through every system we have and…" Ruth heard the line fizzle out. "Adam!"

Ruth looked up from her desk into Harry's eyes and saw the concern there. "Lost contact?"

"Yes," she said. "Harry… Danny…"

"Not now, Ruth," he said.

"Harry…"

"I promise you, Ruth, there will be time to grieve later, when Fiona and Adam are safe and this is over. There will be time to grieve. We can't fall apart now."

She hated hearing it, but she knew he was right. At the moment, he didn't care who was watching them. He covered Ruth's hand that lay on the desk and squeezed her palm tightly. "We will get out of this."

"Danny won't."

"You think I don't feel this too?" he asked. "We have to help Adam and Fiona. For now." She nodded and he let go of her hand before anyone noticed. She nodded again and got to work.

* * *

Danny's body was wheeled out on a trolley and she broke. She felt the tears falling down her face in silence. "Oh Danny." She stroked his poor lifeless face, feeling the hollow pit of grief open up inside her. He really was dead. After so many close calls, he'd succumbed to the risk of being an MI5 agent. Ruth was aware of Harry standing nearby, but she didn't have the attention to spare for him. There was a shout of "Mr Pearce!" and he turned.

"I have to leave you for a moment Ruth."

"I'll stay here with Danny." She kept holding Danny's head very gently, her mind unable to comprehend that his body was in front of her. "Harry's had to leave us for a moment. But I'm here with you Danny," she said quietly. "I won't leave you alone." She kept crying, almost without realising it until Harry returned.

"Come on, Ruth," he said quietly yet firmly.

"I can't leave him," she said.

"There's no more you can do for him," he said, very, very gently. "He'll be taken care of. Come on." Ruth reluctantly dropped her hands and felt sick when a paramedic zipped the body bag closed and took his body to the waiting ambulance.

"I can't have you on your own," Harry said. "I'm going to take you back to my house."

"Harry… I.." she just shook her head, words escaping her.

"Take the car back to my house," he said firmly, a hand on the small of her back. "I have to deal with… operational concerns. I will be with you soon."

"I can't leave," she said, though it was more stubbornness and shock than any conviction in the words.

"You can do no more good here." His hand was still on her back. "Take the car home. I'll be with you as soon as I can be." She gave in and nodded, allowing Harry to usher her in to the car, with a driver already sitting in it. Harry gave the driver his address and gave Ruth his keys. She left, feeling numb from the shock.

* * *

It only took a little over an hour to be outside Harry's front door, when she realised that she had another problem. As the car drove away, she remembered that Harry's house was fingerprint protected. How was she to get in? She called Harry.

"I don't have the security clearance to get in your house," she said. "Look, I'm just going home. I'll talk to you later."

"I've added your data to my security system," he said. "I used your fingerprints that are on file at Thames House. You should be okay."

He waited on the phone line until she'd let herself in. Half of her was surprised when the system accepted her prints and reset the alarm. "When did you do that?"

"A couple of hours ago," he said. "I… couldn't cope with you being on your own."

"Fine," she said. "Are you far away?"

"About half an hour," he said. From his tone, she gathered that he was putting things off to come home. She didn't mind in the slightest. Ruth said goodbye and disconnected the call, standing in Harry's hallway. She looked down, seeing her hands shaking. There were also flecks of blood on her skin. Danny's blood. She hurried through to Harry's bathroom and scrubbed at her hands, hard, spending long minutes doing it. Her skin almost glowed pink by the time she'd finished scrubbing. For want of something to do, she put the kettle on, trying to ignore the fact that she was shaking badly. When the kettle had boiled, Harry appeared.

"You were quick," she said.

"I'm worried about you," he said. "I wanted to come home." Ruth found herself leaning into Harry's chest as she cried. His arms ran over her back comfortingly as she fell apart. Harry didn't say anything. He didn't tell her it was going to be okay, he didn't pretend things weren't awful. He just rocked her and held her as she cried and shook with the grief.

Eventually she parted from him and wiped her face. "I shouldn't cry." She felt embarrassed for sobbing over him.

"Yes you should," he said. "You've had a terrible shock. You don't need to apologise for crying."

"How are you not affected?" she asked, suddenly.

"This isn't the first officer who's died on my watch. And it's not the first friend I've lost either. It doesn't mean I don't feel it. I'm not inhumane, Ruth."

"I know that, Harry."

"It never gets easier, coping with the loss. It just get's easier to pretend everything's fine and go through the motions." She nodded, and leaned against him and he stroked her hair. She moved to kiss him gently, her palms resting on his chest. He responded, knowing she needed some comfort and not wanting to say no. She kept kissing him, turning almost desperate.

"Ruth…"

"Harry…" she whispered, showing no intention of stopping.

"We should slow down," he said. "You're not thinking clearly."

"I want…" she broke away from him and shook her head. "I don't know what I want."

"A bath, or a shower?" he suggested.

"Would you mind?" she asked. "Would it be a horrible imposition?"

"I wouldn't have offered if it were," he said. "First on the left, top of the landing. There's towels in the bathroom."

"I don't have to impose, I could go home."

"I don't think you should be alone right now," he said. "And I don't want to be alone either. I can't… I've spent enough nights in shock over losses completely alone. If I don't have to be alone…" She understood. She walked towards him and kissed his cheek briefly.

"Thank you." Ruth followed his instruction to the bathroom and her jaw nearly dropped. It had the biggest bath she'd ever seen, outside of a high end London hotel. Even in her present state of mind, she couldn't fail but be impressed with it. At least two people would fit in it comfortably, probably without even touching. Though if she ever got the chance, she'd certainly be touching Harry. Shaking her head of the thought which shouldn't with her now, she started to run the bath, being a little nosey as the tub filled. His bathroom was very white and minimalist. It looked as if it could just have been installed last week. The towels were fluffy and luxurious, and she smelt a bottle of soap resting on the sink. She closed her eyes as she inhaled the familiar scent of sandalwood and spice. It was a scent that was so uniquely Harry that it brought him to mind instantly. Clearly Harry liked the best of everything in his home comforts.

She undressed and got into the bath, admitting after about five minutes that Harry had had a point. This was making her feel better. Well, a bit calmer at any rate. When she opened the door, she found that Harry had left some clothes for her. Clearly an old shirt of his and some jogging bottoms that fit her quite well, so she assumed they'd been Catherine's at some point. As she slid his shirt on, she closed her eyes, imagining this garment over his skin. She didn't know if it was her imagination or not, but she thought she could still smell his scent. She buttoned it up, feeling more comfortable than she had in a while. By the time she came downstairs, Harry had plated up some food for them both.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Food helps," he said. "Trust me." He looked at her wrapped in his shirt and his eyes lingered on her softly, in a way which would have been deeply complimentary had they not been suffering in shock after Danny's death.

"I didn't know you could cook," she said.

"This was just heating up," he said with a shrug. "Not really cooking. Do you feel any better?"

"A little," she said fairly. They didn't speak, just ate until their plates were relatively empty. "Look, Harry… I know this might be pushing things, but I don't want to sleep alone tonight. I don't think I'd be able to bear it. Would it be all right if…"

"Of course," he said. Though with Ruth next to him, he anticipated a sleepless night, he wouldn't say no to her. Even under the circumstances, sleeping next to Ruth wasn't an opportunity he was about to say no to. "I need a shower first." She nodded and they went upstairs, feeling both awkward and a little uncomfortable, but not enough to stop either of them.

* * *

 **More up hopefully by the weekend.**


	8. Chapter 8

Harry opened his bedroom door and she looked around, trying to be unobtrusive. "I'll be back after my shower," he said. "Make yourself at home." She nodded, feeling uncomfortable all over again when she was left alone in Harry's bedroom. She perched on the edge of the bed, hearing the shower run distantly. She swung her legs into the bed, hoping that Harry slept on the right side. His bed was amazingly comfortable and large and she felt like she was sinking into the mattress. She needed some comfort tonight, she would have hated to have to deal with this alone. At the moment, she was highly thankful that Harry was in her life.

It didn't take long for Harry to return, his hair wet and curling. "I didn't know which side of the bed you slept on," she said, knowing she was rambling a little.

"The right's perfect," he said. He usually slept on the right anyway, but seeing Ruth lying in his bed gave him a mental image he would hang onto for the rest of his life. He got in bed, careful not to touch her until they were lying next to each other. She reached out and caressed his cheek lightly.

"Thank you for being here for me," she said.

"Mm," he agreed. In truth, creating logical words was a struggle right now. Ruth looked gorgeous, her hair in a tangle, her eyes wide and beautifully blue, and most importantly she was lying in his bed. He would have to exercise some serious restraint so that they didn't do something she might regret in the morning. He knew damn well if anything happened between them that _he_ wouldn't regret it.

He kissed her lips very softly and he sighed as she put a hand around his waist. He wore a T shirt and he felt her fingers stroking his body very gently. God he wanted her. Even in spite of the circumstances, he wanted her. As they kissed, her breasts pushed against him, her hands sliding over his back and he knew he had to stop this. He grabbed her wrists to stop her. Her eyes opened in surprise and disappointment.

"Ruth, no. It would be a desperate fuck, you know that."

"I know," she said regretfully, closing her eyes. "It wouldn't be only that, though, Harry." She closed her eyes and rolled over. "Night." He sighed, wondering if he'd blown it in the long run. But he couldn't think of that right now.

"Goodnight."

* * *

Harry woke first in the morning, and the first thing he noticed was Ruth's hand on his chest. He lay on his back, Ruth curled up on her side facing him. He was glad that he hadn't pulled the curtains closed the night before, because the sunlight lit up her face beautifully. Her face looked so peaceful in sleep, much less worried and more at ease. He longed to stroke her hair, but guessed it would wake her. Instead he focused on her palm, resting on his chest and rising and falling slightly with his breathing.

 _This is dangerous._ The thought floated across his mind as clear as glass. He'd not felt like this towards a woman for a very long time, and he knew he was close… very close to falling completely for this woman. Actually it was probably too late. "Oh God," he murmured to himself. He looked at her as her nose twitched slightly, probably close to waking up now. But he kept watching her, admiring her beauty. If he couldn't have her, it would probably be enough to just watch her from across the grid. To see her everyday, to watch her work with her quiet understated grace. But to see her like this, sleeping in his bed was more than he could have hoped for.

"You're running away with yourself, Pearce."

"Mm?" Ruth began to stir, her palm flexing on his chest gently. "Morning," she said. He smiled and he saw the moment it happened. The grief of losing a friend. The remembering. Remembering the death that had been forgotten for a few moments after waking, and the guilt that she somehow could forget. He'd gone through the motions more times than anyone should have to in one life time. She snatched her hand back as if burned.

"Sorry," she said.

"Don't be," he said. "It was nice."

"I should go," she said, getting out of bed very quickly. She only wore his shirt which for a moment did things to his imagination, letting him see her gorgeous legs before she hurried to the bathroom, leaving Harry slightly bewildered. When she came back, she was dressed in yesterday's clothes.

"Ruth, what is it?" he asked. "Have I…?"

"No," she said. "I just… I can't…"

"What's happened?" he asked as she sat on the bed, putting her boots on.

"I… woke up happy," she said. "I woke up happy to be with you, happy to be touching you. And I can't wake up like that today. Not after yesterday. So I'm going home." Harry had no idea what to say to keep her there, or even if she should.

"I… do appreciate it," she said. "Letting me stay here last night. And I… I need to go."

"Okay," he said. "But you're not setting foot in Thames House today. You're not up for it."

"Are you?" she countered.

"I have to," he said. "I have no choice." She sighed and shook her head to herself.

She leaned over him and kissed his cheek briefly. "Bye Harry." He watched in disappointment as she left his house, hearing the door close behind her. That was the second time she'd slept at his house and made an escape as quickly as humanly possible in the morning. He knew she was emotional and he tried not to take it personally. Looking at the clock, he knew he had to go into work, so with a sigh, he got up to get dressed.

* * *

Around midday, Harry got a call on his mobile and answered it quickly.

"Hi," Ruth said quietly. "I'm sorry for running out on you."

"It's the second time," he said heavily. "That you've run from me. You could talk to me instead, I am human, I would understand."

"I know," she said. "I'm used to working things through on my own. It's hard. Opening up to someone else. Even if I want to," she added quietly.

"You think I don't know that?" he said. "Of course I know that. I've been on my own for quite some time too."

"Yes." She shook her head, even though Harry couldn't see it. "I'll cook you dinner. To apologise for my rambling this morning?"

He could hear her nervousness, and he genuinely believed her apology.

"I need you to promise me you wont run from me," he said. "I don't know how many times I can take it, Ruth."

"I promise," she said.

"Then, yes," he said. "I'd… like that very much."

"Great," she said and he heard the relief in her voice. "How are things at work?"

"Okay," he said. "I'll be there at seven?"

"Perfect," she said. "And I should be on the grid today."

"It's not special treatment," he said, reading between the lines. "You're not the only one who's on compassionate leave today."

"Okay," she said reluctantly. "Okay. I'll see you later then."

"Absolutely," he said.

"Bye." The phone call ended and Harry sighed. He hoped she meant it.

* * *

 **I'm back at work soon, so there might be a slight delay between chapters now! Thanks for reading and especially reviewing so far!**


	9. Chapter 9

Harry rang the doorbell, waiting and feeling unaccountably nervous. He hadn't had the chance to go home and change, so he felt a little overdressed for her cooking in her home for him. He didn't get any further in his thoughts before she answered the door, looking beautiful. Her hair was tied up, but she'd clearly been busy as a few tendrils had fallen around her face. She wore jeans and a loose jumper, looking more comfortable and at home than he'd ever seen her. "Hi." She smiled and let him in. He followed her into the kitchen and sighed as a heavenly scent washed over him.

"What are you cooking?" he asked as he took his jacket and gloves off.

"Just chicken and vegetables," she said. "White or red wine?"

"White please," he said. She opened the bottle as he took his tie off and unbuttoned the first few buttons of his shirt. Feeling much more comfortable, he smiled at her as she gave him a full glass.

"What can I do to help?" he asked.

"Tell me when the funeral is," she said softly.

"His parents have arranged it for Thursday," Harry said quietly.

"Okay," she said. He knew the occasion was bittersweet, because while having dinner with Ruth was wonderful, the so recent events made it feel sad. She took a sip of her wine, as if to calm herself. "That's good." He could see her hand shaking so he got up and made her put the glass down, holding her hand.

"It will be okay," he said.

"But not for him."

"No." He wrapped his arms around her, running his hands up and down her back. She relaxed into his embrace, losing track of time. "The potatoes are going to burn," she said gently.

"You're more important."

"Mm," she muttered. They broke apart and she forced a smile.

"Shall we change the subject," he said, not really asking a question. "Talk about something mundane."

"Okay. You pick a subject then."

Harry racked his brains, trying to come up with something at the same time his mind had gone completely blank. He settled on "Books. I'm sure you have some radical opinions on books that we could argue over."

"Do you really want to get into an argument with a classicist about literature?" she asked. But it'd done the job of getting a smile out of her. "You know what I studied."

"Of course I do," he said.

"Shall we start with Jane Austen being entirely overrated?"

"She's considered one of the most…"

"By people who've never read her," Ruth said, cutting over him. "Have you read her books?"

"Yes," he said. "But not for quite some time." His lips twitched as she put their meals on plates and brought them over to the table. "Thank you."

"I'm not really a good cook," she said. "Just simple things are about all I can pull off." He smiled at her.

"So who else do you think is entirely overrated in the world of literature?"

* * *

"How can you never have been to the National Gallery?" she asked. "You live in London!" Their meals had long since been eaten and they were currently drinking whisky at the kitchen table.

"I've been there," Harry countered. "Just not to look at the art. It's a good place to meet, or exchange information," he added at her look.

"One day you'll actually have to go and _look_ at the art. You live in arguably the most beautiful city in the world."

"Why don't you come with me?" he said. "I'm sure we'd enjoy arguing about artists."

"I'd like that," she said, smiling and her eyes sparkled.

"You have the most beautiful eyes," he said. She blushed and looked down at the table. "Don't do that. I find you…" he sighed. "So beautiful."

"Don't," she said. "I'm not beautiful. I'm just… average. My intellect is probably the only thing about me that isn't average. But, it's just an education really."

"Don't put yourself down," he said. "You are so much more than you believe. I don't know who it was who belittled you, shattered your self confidence, or discarded you but you shouldn't believe them. Because you're _more_." He knew she'd been hurt in the past and would love to know more, when she decided to trust him.

"It was no one in particular," she said, shaking her head slightly. But looking deeply into his hazel eyes all the same. "I suppose it's just years upon years of being cast aside, passed over or ignored. The entire time I was at university, where I had to listen repeatedly having my friend who I was with, she was always called "the pretty one." What that left me as, I don't know. I've never been the pretty one, Harry. No one sees me like that. I've learnt to live with it."

"I see you like that," he said softly. "You are beautiful." She leaned across the kitchen table and kissed him. After a few seconds, it became awkward across the table and they both got up, Ruth almost falling into his arms to stay close to him. The kiss went on and on, and she sighed, her palms on his chest, his hand resting on the small of her back.

"Don't stop," she moaned as they parted. He smiled and did what she asked. His fingers slipped under her jumper, caressing her spine gently and making her shiver. The kiss ended, but he didn't take his hands off of her skin.

"Stay here tonight," she said, her eyes boring into his. "Stay."

"No," he said after a moment of indecision. "As intrigued as I am to see whether you'd _still_ make your early morning escape from your own house, I'm going to have to decline."

She blushed at his words, but his hands were still on her back, fingers soothing circles on her skin.

"Harry, whenever I wake up next to you again," she said quietly. "Whatever the circumstances, I will stay there. I'm not going to run."

"That's good to know," he murmured. "I'll take you up on that offer one day."

"But not tonight?"

"No." He dropped his hands from her skin and she sighed at the loss of contact. "Not tonight. Tonight I'm going home." He kissed her very softly goodbye.

"See you tomorrow." He left her house and she watched him leave, sighing happily. She adored the way she felt when Harry had his hands on her. So wanted, in a way which she couldn't remember feeling in her life. She put her fingers to her lips, trying to hold onto the feeling of the kiss for as long as she could.

* * *

The days slipped by without Harry and Ruth having any time or opportunity to be alone, work becoming overwhelming for a time. Before either of them knew it, the night before Danny's funeral arrived. Harry called her, late that night, wanting to talk to her away from the grid.

"Hi."

"Hi," she replied. "How are you?"

"Not looking forward to tomorrow," he said.

"I don't think funerals are the kind of event one looks forward to," Ruth said. "I miss you."

"You see me everyday."

"You know damn well what I mean," she said. "I miss _you_. Not my boss, I miss you."

"That's good to hear," he said, voice soft. "I miss you too. Your smile. I can never see your smile enough."

"Again, funeral tomorrow," she reminded him gently. But she still couldn't help the answering smile tugging at her lips. She liked to think that Danny would have understood. In their world they had to grasp any little bit of happiness they could. And Harry did make her happy.

"Shall I pick you up tomorrow?" he asked. She hesitated. She really didn't want the rest of the grid knowing about her and Harry. "Just professionally," he added, reading her hesitation.

"Yes," she said after a moment. "That'd be great."

"Good." There was a slight silence between them that became awkward. "I've got the file on Mahmood and…"

"Don't do that," he interrupted. "Don't fall back on work when you don't know what to say."

"I do it because I want to talk to you, I want to stay on the phone with you but I don't always know what to say. So I…"

"Fill the silence," he said. "I know."

"I'm not good at relationships," she said. "Work's easy. Or, I mean… I'm competent at it. It's easy to fall back on."

"Look, it's late and I'll leave you to it," he said.

"You don't have to go."

"If I make you uncomfortable…"

"You don't make me uncomfortable," she said. "Well you do, but it's because you have… such a powerful presence with the most… hypnotic eyes. I don't always know what to do with myself."

"Be you," he said. "Be your normal, beautiful, brilliant sometimes messy and disorganised self."

"I think we should end the call now," she said, the smile evident in her voice. "To end it on such a nice compliment."

"Okay," he said. "I'll pick you up tomorrow."

"Thanks," she said. "Goodnight, Harry."

"Goodnight." She put the phone down smiling. She shouldn't be smiling, but she couldn't help it. One of these days Harry wouldn't be making her smile, she knew the novelty would wear off or something would go wrong. But not tonight. Tonight she was smiling.

* * *

 **More hopefully in the next week. Thanks for the reviews so far, they mean so much.**


	10. Chapter 10

**I'm not going to repeat the events that happened in 4-1 and 4-2, when I'm not bothering to change anything as it would get boring and repetitive. So this chapter slots into 4-1 and 4-2. Thanks for the review so far.**

* * *

Harry picked Ruth up the next morning. They had a driver, so both he and Ruth sat in the back. The mood was very sombre and Ruth wasn't talkative. Not that he blamed her. He reached across the seat and held her hand in the silence. She squeezed his palm gently, still quiet as they drove towards the church.

"Don't wear black to my funeral, Harry," she said quietly.

"Hmm?"

"If… when I die. I know it's meant to be respectable, but I always feel... Just don't wear black."

"I wont wear anything," he said.

"Well, you turning up naked at the church might give some people a bit of a shock," she said, a smile hovering on her lips.

"I meant… there'll be no need. You're not dying."

"We all die, Harry. And in this profession, more quickly than most others."

"Ruth, you're not dying. And you will not die before I do, okay?"

"Okay, Harry," she said lightly. This wasn't the time to press the point. They didn't say anything further until they got to the church. Ruth let go of his hand and he looked at her sadly. He personally wouldn't care had all their colleagues known about them, but he knew she did. He wouldn't push her, but today it would have been nice to acknowledge each other publicly. They got out of the car one at a time, before heading into the church, and sitting next to each other.

* * *

Harry knew the echoing rumbling that he could feel under his feet and throughout the church was a bomb. He'd heard bombs go off before and knew the sound. Why did it have to be now? He caught Adam's gaze and could almost hear their beepers before they went off. Sure enough they all went off, almost simultaneously. Ignoring the glares and mutters, Harry and the others left the church.

While talking about the operation, Harry noticed that someone rather important was missing. "Where's Ruth?" he asked, almost rhetorically. He rushed back inside the church and took his seat next to her.

"Ruth, we need to go," he said quietly. She wouldn't look at him.

"Didn't you say something about there being time to grieve?"

"Yes. Well, there'll be a lot of families doing that tonight."

Now she did look at him, her eyes saying more than her mouth. "I want to say goodbye properly." He took her hand in his.

"I need you," he said simply. She looked down, but didn't respond. "Please." After a moment, she nodded, getting up to leave with him. She wasn't happy, but she'd do what he asked.

She and Harry took separate cars back to the grid which meant he arrived first. Adam and Zaf were with her. Once on the grid, the manic hive of activity took her breath away for a moment. There were a lot of extra people there, but upon entering the grid, both she and Adam saw Harry waving them over, so they followed him to his office. Ruth didn't get the chance to say anything because a message from a group called "Shining Dawn" had come up on Harry's computer. They listened as the messaged announced they basically had twelve hours before another bomb would explode, killing as many people as possible. The alternative was releasing Monroe, their leader, an American citizen. An action which was politically impossible, not only because Thames House had been invaded by Americans who wanted Monroe back.

Harry sighed heavily. "We've got twelve hours," he said, taking his tie off and unbuttoning the top two buttons on his shirt. Even though they were in company and it was hardly the most appropriate time, Ruth couldn't help staring at his throat, the sudden urge to peel back his shirt frightening in it's intensity. She looked away and listened to what Adam was saying. Staring at Harry wouldn't stop bombs from blowing up London.

Ruth was being sent off to Oxfordshire to baby sit professor Curtis who had had contact with various members of Shining Dawn. Before she left the grid she noticed something. She did not like the look that Harry was giving one particular women, Juliet Shaw. There was something between them, some past, or history. And Ruth didn't like it one bit.

"Come on Ruth, the cars waiting for you downstairs," Adam said. She shook her head out of her stupor and left the grid.

* * *

When the disaster was over, Ruth took Harry up to the roof. She wanted a private conversation with him with no one eavesdropping. So the roof seemed like the safest option. Her patience and subtlety were at a low level because she'd spent the best part of two days with minimal sleep and she'd been chased after by an assassin who'd wanted to shoot the nutty professor. Having someone with a gun on her tail was not a comfortable feeling, and she didn't have the patience right now to tiptoe around the subject.

"You slept with her, didn't you?"

"How do you know that?" The fact that he hadn't even bothered to ask who was referring to spoke volumes.

"It's written all over your face, Harry."

"Well I sincerely hope not," he said. "Half my job is hiding things behind a poker face."

"Maybe I know you better than all of your associates," she said.

"There's nothing there any longer," he said. "Nothing between Juliet and myself."

"Harry, I don't care what you had with her, as long as it's in the past then it doesn't matter. What I am slightly concerned about would be if you slept with her when you were married to your wife." His silence was damning. "Oh Harry." She turned away from him but he grabbed her and made her face him.

"I wouldn't do that to you."

"You don't know that," she said. "You don't know what will happen in the future. How tired and bored you might get of me."

"I am a different man now," he said firmly. "I've seen how much affairs hurt everyone involved. I would never do that again, no matter the circumstances, Ruth. If you think I'm the kind of man now who would cheat on you, you don't know me. And you never have."

"Forgive me, Harry," she said, her voice having biting sarcasm. "But having another woman on the grid you've slept with is not easy."

"I know," he said. "If a man arrived here that you'd slept with I would be insanely jealous. I want no one to have you but me."

"That could be deemed as slightly possessive," she said, but her lips were twitching anyway.

"How about… I want you to be happy. And if that means you want to be with me, so much the better."

"Mm," she said.

"Are you okay?" he asked, eyes running over her. "After…"

"Being chased by a gunman?" she asked. "I'm tired, but yes. I'm okay."

"I wouldn't want to send you into danger," he said softly.

"In order for us to both do our jobs properly, sometimes you might have to," she said quietly.

"It doesn't mean I like it," he said. "And it doesn't mean I value you any less, either."

"I know that, Harry," she said. He took her in his arms, her back to his chest so they were both overlooking the city. It was cold up on the roof, but comfortable with the pair of them close together, sharing their warmth. He kissed the top of her head gently.

"See, London still standing," Harry said. She smiled as Harry covered her hands with his own. She didn't have gloves on and the touch of his black leather gloves on her skin made her shiver. Not from the cold. "Do you want to go inside?"

"Not yet," she said. "I'm enjoying this."

"So am I," he murmured. They were quiet, their hands playing together for many minutes, until a particularly vicious gust of wind made her shiver.

"Let me take you home," he said.

"No," she said with a firmness that surprised him. "I'm not going home."

"Where…?"

"I'm going to the church," she said. "Where Danny…"

"Okay," he said. "I understand."

"I never got to say goodbye."

"I know," he said. "Shall I come with you?"

"I'd like to be alone," she said. "But I do… appreciate the offer, Harry." He smiled at her and kissed her, very gently.

"Do be careful of gun wielding psychopaths in the future," he said, before kissing her again. It started off gentle, but developed into something more. More ardent, and had they not been on the roof of Thames house, it would have become something much more physical.

They were interrupted by the door to the roof banging open. They sprang apart, but it wasn't quickly enough. Ruth blushed crimson as Zaf came onto the roof. By the look on his face, he'd seen exactly what had been going on. "There's a call from Grosvenor Square," he said to Harry. "You're needed on the grid."

Zaf vanished and Ruth felt horribly embarrassed that he'd seen them. Never mind what he would say to everyone else. God, the things people would say when this became common knowledge...

"It'll be all right," Harry said.

"I'm going to go to the…"

"Yes," Harry said, knowing she'd be going to the church. "Don't worry. Call me later." She nodded, and they both came down from the roof, Ruth's face still flaming. She didn't speak to anyone, just picked up her handbag before leaving and Harry could almost feel the icy breeze coming from her. He sighed heavily before going into his office to take the call.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanks so much for the encouragement. For those who asked, I'm planning to keep writing up to 5-5. Then we will see where I go! Enjoy.**

* * *

Harry took the phone call in his office, keeping a wary eye on Zaf. Once he'd ended the call (bloody CIA) he called Zaf, and asked for him to come to his office.

"Harry?" he said politely, with a tilt of his head implying he knew exactly what this was about.

"Lets not pretend you didn't see that earlier," Harry said calmly. "I would appreciate it if you didn't mention it to anyone."

"Not exactly ethical though, is it?" Zaf said.

"I'm not using her," he said calmly. "And she's not sleeping with me to advance her career. It's private."

"Harry, it's not private when you're on the roof of Thames House together, is it?" Harry sighed.

"I guess this means I'll be heading back to six with my tail between my legs? Unless I keep my mouth shut?"

"Of course you've got the transfer to section D," Harry said. "No matter what you say about Ruth and I, it doesn't affect your ability to do your job. That is, if you want to work here," he added fairly. "If I did anything otherwise, that would be an abuse of power, don't you think?"

"I won't say anything," Zaf said finally. "But you have to find somewhere more private, otherwise I won't be the only one who knows." Harry nodded, taking the point.

"Thank you," Harry said. Zaf nodded and left his office. He didn't think Zaf would gossip, but he didn't know him that well. Well, they would see.

* * *

It was late when Ruth knocked on Harry's door. After a minute or two, he answered. She opened her mouth to say something, then lost her train of thought. Harry was dressed in only a dressing gown and she felt somewhat distracted.

"Come in," he said. She did, still a little speechless at his state of undress.

"Sorry, I… time got away from me. I didn't realise how late it was."

"It's fine," he said.

"Were you sleeping?" she asked. "Oh you were. Sorry, I should have thought…"

"Ruth, it's fine," he said, grasping her hand to stop her from rambling. "You can always come here, whenever you need to."

"Zaf?" she asked.

"I don't think he'll say anything," Harry said. "But if he did…?"

"I wouldn't like it," she said. "But it wouldn't change my mind. I meant what I said about not running. Our co-workers talking about us wouldn't drive me away from you."

"Good," he said. "Danny?"

"It was good to say goodbye," she said. "I needed to do it." He noticed the dark circles under her eyes and knew she needed sleep.

"Do you want to come up to bed? To sleep," he added at her look. "You look exhausted."

"If I'm not in your way, and you wouldn't mind?"

"Of course I don't mind. You're more than welcome." She smiled and leaned against his chest as he held her. "Let's go to bed," he said.

* * *

In the morning, Ruth awoke first. Harry's hand was on her hip, his face towards her. His even breathing filled the room and she tried to focus on his face, the lines and planes of him. She had a feeling of mild panic which she was trying to head off. Waking up entwined with another person tended to make her feel disorientated, and today was no exception. She knew she needed to stay here though. Harry needed to trust that she wasn't going to bolt. She had no intention of leaving him, not now. His hand started stroking her hip and she knew he was waking.

"You're here."

"I am," she said. His hand didn't slow, still stroking her hip.

"Are you staying here?" he asked, slightly warily.

"Well, until I'm needed at work," she said. "Or a little earlier to get a change of clothes."

"Mm," he said. "It's nice. Waking up with you." She agreed, kissing him deeply. His stubble scratched her cheeks and she gasped at the friction.

"You need to shave," she said lightly.

"I know. Sorry." He moved his hands, sliding under her T shirt. "Can I?" She nodded and his hands rose on her stomach, making her eyes flutter closed. He reached her breasts and his touch was so gentle that she groaned. "Is this…"

"Don't stop," she said, interrupting him. He smirked slightly at her reaction and caressed her breasts, planting a kiss on her neck as he did so. He squeezed her nipples and she moaned again, arching into him.

"Oh, please go away!" she said in frustration as is phone started buzzing. The poxy bloody grid. He sighed and dropped his hands from her body before answering it.

"This better be good," he said gruffly. She pulled her T shirt back into place, watching as Harry pinched his nose. "I need half an hour." Another pause. "Well, you'll just have to wait then." He ended the call and looked at her.

"I'll catch the tube home," she said. "Get changed and come back onto the grid."

"Okay," he said. He kissed her briefly and got out of bed. Ruth stayed where she was, admiring Harry's legs. He'd worn an old T shirt and boxer shorts to sleep in, probably because she was in bed with him, and she was enjoying watching him move around the bedroom. He looked back at her, catching her eyes. She smiled, only a little embarrassed at having been caught ogling him.

"I was admiring the view," she said lowly. He came back to the bed, leaning over her and kissed her.

"Fair's fair, then," he said, raising her eyebrows. She giggled and did as he suggested, getting out of bed. She rather enjoyed Harry's gaze on her legs, sliding up her skin. She'd much prefer it if it were his hands, or even better his lips, but she didn't get near enough voicing it before his phone buzzed again.

"Unfortunately, we have to go," he said.

"Yes, we do."

* * *

Ruth sat at her desk, catching up on some paperwork while Harry tried to placate politicians on the phone. She purposefully didn't look up at his office, aware that Zaf would most likely be watching her behaviour. He was new to the grid, and she didn't want to give him any reason to think that she was either incapable of doing her job, or using Harry so that she could be lazy at work. Neither was true. When everyone was busy, and not paying attention to her, Zaf leaned over her.

"A word?" he said quietly.

"Zaf, I don't want…"

"I'm not here to cause problems," he said. "I know you're good at your job. Just… be careful."

That seemed an odd thing for him to say. "Why are you telling me this?" she asked.

"Because I've seen this before," he said. "It rarely ends well for the person in your position." Ruth looked around and made sure no one was listening.

"Zaf, it's not like that between Harry and me," she said. "He's not taking advantage of me." She surprised herself by how much she believed it. She had no hesitation in genuinely believing that Harry wasn't using her, that even Zaf saying it didn't alter anything.

"Okay," Zaf said. "Fine." She knew he didn't believe her, but that wasn't important. Not now. She looked up and saw Harry watching her. She nodded slightly to say everything was okay and went back to her work.

* * *

 **I know I'm changing Zaf's character a little, but I had to to get this to work the way I want it to! Hope no one minds too much!**


	12. Chapter 12

**This chapter is tied to 4-3, and I'm tweaking some of the script for this chapter.**

* * *

They hadn't left the grid until late, and Ruth was just getting out of the shower when her phone rang. "If you want me to come into work now, you're dreaming," she said as she answered the phone. "I need some sleep."

"Actually this was more of a personal call," Harry said, his voice low.

"Oh," she said. "Well in that case, you're more than welcome to keep me up." He chuckled lightly down the phone and she shivered, very aware that all she wore was a towel wrapped around her body. She left the bathroom and perched on the edge of her bed, the phone glued to her ear.

"How was Zaf?" he asked.

"I don't think he'll make things awkward," she said. "He was actually concerned for me."

"Oh?"

"Seemed to think you were just using me."

"Ruth, I'm…"

"I know you're not," she said softly, cutting him off. "Don't worry."

"That's good," he said. "Listen, I have something to tell you."

"Oh no."

"What?"

"You're using your grid voice. Go on."

"For operational reasons, I'm going to have to send you back to GCHQ."

"What?" she said faintly, feeling her lovely happy bubble burst well and truly. "Why?"

"This is not an indication of how much I value you," he said. "I need someone there, to supply information that we can use to topple Sampson from his annoyingly high perch. I just… I need someone I can really trust, and there's no way I'm relying on anyone who's already there. Not when it's this important."

She paused before replying. "Juliet been on the phone? Giving her marching orders, has she?" There was a loud silence on the phone. "I'm sorry, that was snide."

"Ruth…"

"I'm sorry," she repeated. "I accept your history, but being confronted by it everyday at work is not easy."

"I thought you'd appreciate me letting you know about GCHQ before work tomorrow. I don't want you to… I don't want to spring in on you."

"I know. Thanks." She sighed, as the conversation had taken a turn she hadn't intended to. "It shouldn't be dangerous, should it?" she asked as the thought occurred to her.

"No, you'll just be handing information to Adam's legend. You'll be fine."

"Good," she said. "Just checking."

"Shall I come over?" he asked. "If you really want to delve into my history with Juliet… well, I wont lie to you, but I wouldn't really want to do it on the phone."

"I'm fine," she said. "I shouldn't have said that. It's none of my business."

"Well you're clearly not fine with it," he said. "Not that I blame you."

"Harry, detailing your past liaisons will not help me in any way, shape or form. Trust me. I shouldn't have said that. Just forget it."

"Okay," he said.

"We should go," she said, feeling awkward. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodbye Ruth." Harry hung up and she collapsed backwards on the bed. _Way to put your foot in it, Ruth_. Beginning to get cold, she went to get ready for bed. Hoping that tomorrow would be better.

* * *

She didn't get to speak to Harry about anything but the operation for more than a week. She'd begun to think that maybe he was avoiding her after her ill advised words on the phone, but then again they were incredibly busy.

When Ruth returned to the grid near the end of the operation, the way Harry looked at her, so soft and warm, let her know that he'd missed her, a thought which reassured her immensely. He was telling her to collect more information from the safe house.

"I wont have to meet Morgan again?" she asked.

"Probably not," he said, eyes not leaving hers. "But if it is necessary I'm sure you could carry it off with your usual aplomb." He kept looking at her as he carried on. "News from Westminster?" His eyes slid away from hers to the rest of the group as he continued and she couldn't help the smile that spread onto her face.

* * *

What an idiot. Ruth could hear Adam coming up the stairs, even as the knife dug into her throat. She was very aware that if she moved an inch or two, that would be it. It would all be over, and she'd be dead on the floor. Why had she gone into the house?! Adam looked at her and she knew she looked frightened. He held his hands up, his eyes on her as one of Moran's cronies tied him up. Ruth instinctively knew this wouldn't end well and the fear that took hold of her as she and Adam were bundled in the back of a truck was so prominent she could taste it.

She and Adam were bounced around in the back of the truck as they drove. Only their hands were tied, they weren't gagged or blindfolded and their feet were free. While this should have been a good sign, Ruth didn't see it like that. She saw it that their captors had no need to restrain them.

"They're going to kill us," she said.

"We'll be all right," Adam said. Even in the dim light, she could see the thoughts racing through his mind. How to get out of this situation. The main difference between a field agent and herself. She couldn't fight off the panic.

"I need you to do something for me," she said to Adam. "If I don't get out of this and you do."

"Ruth, you'll be fine," he said.

"Please." He caught her eyes in the darkness and could see that she was very close to falling apart.

"Fine," he agreed.

"I need you to tell Harry that I love him." There was a silence, which was shocking when they were in a van that was rocking so much. She closed her eyes and shook her head. "Please Adam, just do it." She didn't want to examine his face too closely.

"Okay," he said. "But I wont have to."

"Moran will kill us," she said simply.

"How long has that been going on?" Adam asked. "You and Harry?"

"Do we have to talk about this now?" she asked as the van went over a rather large bump in the road, emphasising her point.

"What else are we going to do?" he asked. "How long?"

"Long enough," she said. "It's not some fling, Adam, we just wanted to keep it private." He didn't reply.

The van drew to a stop and Ruth could feel her heart in her throat. Oh God. They were both yanked out and thrown forcefully on the ground as the van hurriedly drove off. Ruth and Adam were alone.

"I don't understand, why've they let us go?" Ruth asked as he untied both of their hands, using his teeth on his own bindings.

"They haven't let us go," Adam said, looking around. But Ruth found him first. Moran, aiming a crossbow at them. She was so shocked she froze. She couldn't move out of the way, all she could do was shout.

"Adam!" She felt him push her to the ground as the whiz of a bolt went over their heads.

"Run!" Adam said as they headed for the trees. She did, following him, knowing at the same time that Adam was bound to be faster than her. Once under cover of the trees, they looked around. All of the landscape looked the same.

"We're not getting out of this," Ruth said.

"Go. He wants me more than you. Go and get back up here."

"I can't leave you," she said.

"Of course you can," he said. "Go." She hesitated then did as he said. The whistle of another bolt head caught her attention before she'd gone more than ten paces. She watched as Adam ran towards Moran and decided to take action. She might be slower than Adam but two were always better than one.

Unaware of where the impulse came from, she picked up a tree branch and whacked Moran around the head with it. He crumpled to the floor. Adam moved quickly and grabbed the crossbow, aiming it directly at Moran. But the fight seemed to have gone out of him.

"Shall I hit him again Adam?"

"Only if you want to," he said, a slight smile tugging at his lips. Suddenly the branch felt as heavy as concrete and she dropped it, at the same time as she heard sirens coming. Clearly they'd followed the van and back up was on the way. Adam didn't budge from his position until Moran had cuffs on and was being led away. Zaf had arrived with back up and he gave Adam a phone which was clearly already connected. "Harry."

Ruth turned away from him, not wanting to feel the heat of his accusing stare. She looked over the landscape trying to get her heart rate to slow down. Trying to stay calm. It wasn't until Adam tapped her on the back of the shoulder that she turned.

"Harry wants to speak to you," he said. She nodded and took the phone. Now that they were no longer in danger, what she'd revealed to Adam seemed foolish and silly. But at the time, she'd needed Harry to know, when the fear of imminent death had been on her. She put the phone to her ear.

"Ruth?" He sounded incredibly worried and concerned. "I can hear you breathing," he said when she didn't reply. "Ruth, I need to know you're safe."

"I'm here," she said, feeling Adam's eyes in her back.

He exhaled in relief on the phone. "Are you all right?" he asked urgently. "Are you hurt?"

"Yes, no," she said. "I'm fine and I'm not hurt."

"Are you sure, you sound… restrained," he said. She was being careful about what she said because she could guess Adam was listening to her side of the conversation.

"Eavesdroppers," she said. "I'm just being careful."

"Okay," he said. "I am… worried about you."

"I'm in one piece," she said. "Promise."

"Good."

"Listen, I'm going straight home. I don't think I could cope on the grid. I just want to go home."

"Of course," he said. "I'll call you later."

"I know. I should go," she said.

"Please take care," he said, almost pleading.

"I will. Bye Harry." She disconnected the phone and threw it back to Adam. Both he and Zaf looked like they were in conversation, and Ruth's paranoid mind thought they were talking about her and Harry. They probably were. She shook her head because she couldn't deal with that now. All she wanted to do was to go home.

* * *

 **More soon! Thanks for reading and especially reviewing.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I've been meaning to get this chapter up for the best part of three days! Oh well, I got there in the end... Oh, and this chapter is M rated. ;)**

* * *

It was very late when Ruth opened her front door, not surprised in the slightest to see Harry there. His hazel eyes were panicked and he looked at her as if he'd never seen her before. "I needed to see if you were all right."

"I'm fine," she said. "Tired and a bit bruised, but fine." She moved aside to let him in, and once the door was closed he gripped her wrist so she couldn't move away from him. He ran his eyes slowly over her, making sure she was in one piece. From her face, down her body, to her feet and back up. She stayed still, letting him do it without saying a word. When his eyes reached her face again, his thumb caressed the thin red line on her neck where the threatening knife had drawn blood. It wasn't much deeper than a paper cut, but it throbbed.

"Careful," she said gently, her fingers on his wrist. He dropped his hand and looked at her before kissing her deeply. Her arms wrapped around him of their own volition, holding him close. She felt unable to let him go. She'd spent about an hour thinking she'd never see him again and that had an interesting way of realigning her priorities.

"I was so worried," he murmured against her lips. "And frightened. If you'd…"

"I'm fine," she said, caressing his face. "I promise. All in one piece." He kissed her, hard and passionately, her fingers tangled in his hair as he pressed against her body, pushing her against the wall.

"If anything happened to you, I don't know what I'd do," he said before kissing her again, deeply. "I couldn't cope if you…"

"Just kiss me," she said, interrupting. "I need you. I need…" He kissed her and she moaned against him, her body arching against his. He could feel her breasts pressing against him and he felt a surge of lust for her. He wanted her badly. She pressed her thigh between his legs and he groaned.

"We should slow down," he said, trying to get some air.

"I don't want to," she said. Her eyes were a beautiful bright blue, filled with desire and utterly gorgeous. He couldn't believe she looked at him like that. "I need you to touch me, Harry," she said. She kissed his jaw, slowly and sensually as her lips moved over his neck.

"Don't go," she whispered when her mouth was free. "Stay tonight."

Harry should have said no. He should have said she was still suffering from the shock and adrenaline of the operation, so him staying with her tonight was probably a bad idea. But he wasn't a good enough man to say any of that. He didn't have infinite self restraint, and the woman he adored and who he'd dreamed about for months asking him to stay… he didn't have the strength to turn that down.

"Upstairs," he said. "Not in your hallway." She smiled and kissed him very gently, taking his hand and going up the stairs to her bedroom.

* * *

By the time they got there, she could see that Harry was having second thoughts about the wisdom of this. She kissed him deeply, making sure to press her body against him. "I need you, Harry," she murmured against his lips. "And I want you."

"Oh, Ruth, what are you doing to me?" He slipped his hands under her jumper, stroking her naked back. Impatiently she pulled his shirt out of the way and slid her hands up his chest. She found his nipple and he moaned at the touch.

"I need to touch you," she said. "All of you." They undressed each other clumsily and hastily, almost falling onto the bed together. When Harry's shirt came off, she gasped.

"I know it's not pretty," he said, clearly self conscious. His shoulder, where Tom Quinn had shot him just eighteen months ago was horribly scarred. It felt like it had happened longer ago, but it hadn't. It was pink and puckered scar tissue that looked painful.

"Does it still hurt?"

"No," he said.

"Lie down," she whispered. Her own self consciousness had vanished somewhat when she realised how nervous he was, letting her see him like this. He followed her instruction and she kissed the worst of the scar, his hands stroking her back, her hair. Any part of her he could reach. Harry had other scars, some of which had probably been worse when they were first inflicted, but Tom's bullet was the most recent. She traced some of them, and he let her in the silence.

"You've seen me, let me see you," he asked. She was naked but he'd not had the chance to really look at her. She sat up on the bed, bracing herself for Harry's scrutiny. Whenever he looked at her, even at work she felt like he saw straight through her. So to be naked, and feel vulnerable in front of him felt more nerve-racking than it should have done.

He'd been silent for what felt like minutes, his eyes sliding over every inch of her body. "Say something, Harry," she said eventually.

"You're exquisite." His voice was husky, emotional. "I want to touch you." His eyes flicked back to her face. "Can I?"

She nodded and his touch immediately went to the small scar on her abdomen, stroking gently. "Appendicitis," she said to his silent question. He nodded and began to caress her breasts, softly, his thumbs brushing against her hard nipples, making her gasp.

"Lie down," he murmured. She did, his hands on her skin, her waist, her stomach as he kissed her deeply. She arched her body up to him, her palms running down his back. Feeling the length of his body against her, the weight of him pressing down on her felt so good, so right that she couldn't help the moan that escaped her throat.

They fumbled together, Ruth rolling on top of him, smiling as she straddled him. His hands cupped her backside and squeezed. "Oh…" She could feel his genitals beneath her, and she needed to touch him. Reaching between them, she stroked him. He gasped, closing his eyes and opening his mouth, as if struggling to breathe.

"Come here," he whispered. She leaned over him and kissed him gently, before he rolled her onto her back again.

"I need to feel you inside me," she whispered. "Please."

"Have you got…"

"I'm fine, we're fine," she said. "I went on the pill ages ago. Just in case." He smiled as his fingers started exploring her, stroking her folds intimately. He found her clitoris and she jerked in his arms, before sighing against him. When he pushed two fingers inside her, he looked into her eyes, watching her reaction until he found her G spot. "Oh God…" she groaned. He kept touching her, bringing her closer to climax as she writhed against him. He thrust his fingers into her fast, watching her face as she moaned and whimpered against him. "Harry, please. Oh, Harry…" He kept going until she cried out with her orgasm. He smirked at her, pleased to bring her to such pleasure, as she came back down to earth. He pulled his fingers out of her and kissed her.

"Harry," she said. "Please."

They tangled together as Harry pushed her into the mattress, kissing her deeply. "Ah!" she cried out, and it wasn't a happy sound. He stopped, looking at her in concern, as her face winced in pain. "My leg doesn't twist that way, Harry" she said, a small smile on her face.

"Sorry," he said, lips twitching as she disentangled her leg from his.

"That's better," she said when her leg was free. She stroked the back of his knee with her toes and he shivered, groaning.

"That tickles." She laughed, then wrapped her legs around his waist as he thrust inside her in one quick movement.

"Oh!" she moaned. "God, you're large." He raised an eyebrow and she smiled, then moaned loudly as he moved within her. He moved quickly, deeply inside her and she kept moaning as his flesh sparked against her. He wasn't gentle or slow, and she could tell he was perilously close to losing control, something she'd never seen before.

"Let go," she whispered, her hand cradling his face gently, the other clutching his shoulder and digging in as he thrust inside her. She was enjoying this but knew Harry was much closer than she was. He groaned as he came, collapsing half on top of her, their sweaty bodies sticking together.

"Sorry," he murmured in her ear, well aware she hadn't climaxed. She moaned quietly as he pulled out of her. "I was selfish and lost control."

"It's all right," she said, stroking his hair.

"No," he said. He shuffled down the bed and opened her thighs. She smiled slightly, letting him and then moaned as his tongue started flicking against her clitoris.

"Oh Harry…" she sighed. He chuckled which in her present situation made her squirm as his fingers tightened on her hips. He revelled in the taste of her, the taste of their joining on his tongue. "Oh!" she cried, tightening her thighs around him. It didn't take much for her climax to overtake her, sighing his name.

"Thank you," she whispered, when he lay next to her again, her body still throbbing from her release.

"Sleep," he said gently. She drifted off almost immediately, as did he.

* * *

Ruth woke up but as soon as she did, she wanted to go back to sleep. She felt so relaxed and contented that she didn't want the realities of the day to spoil it. With her eyes tightly closed, she relived every moment of the night before. Harry's lips and tongue on every inch of her skin, the way he'd made her shiver and cry out underneath him as he'd touched her. How he'd moaned as she touched him. The bruisingly tight grip on her hips as he'd thrust inside her. Her fingernails clutching at his body. She knew he'd have left marks and bruises on her skin but she couldn't care less right now.

"I know you're awake. I'm sorry." Harry spoke darkly and she couldn't think why.

"No." She sighed. "If you do anything to ruin my happy little bubble right now, I'm going to be so upset."

"We shouldn't have…"

"Harry, we absolutely should," she said, finally opening her eyes.

"It was the exhilaration from the operation," he said.

"Right, I need you to shut up for a minute or two," she said. He closed his mouth and she continued. "I didn't sleep with you because of the after effects of whatever operation we were working on. It might have influenced the timing, but I've wanted to sleep with you for a very long time." He smiled softly at that and she felt an echoing smile on her own face. "So stop trying to apologise, okay? You didn't drag me into bed, did you?"

"Okay," he said. He kissed her softly and she closed her eyes, fully intending to go back to sleep.

"You weren't…"

"Weren't what?" she asked.

He sighed heavily. "Disappointed?"

"No." She looked at him again and saw that he looked almost nervous. "It's been a long time for you, hasn't it?" she said gently.

"Yes." He stroked her hair. "I wouldn't want you to be…" he didn't finish his sentence. She kissed his chest lightly.

"Did it seem like I wasn't enjoying myself?"

"No," he said, allowing his lips to curve upwards slightly.

"In fact, I'd rather enjoy round two," she said quietly, almost shyly, her cheeks red.

"Would you?" he asked, voice deep and seductive. He stroked her hair and, as one they both looked at the clock. They had at the most half an hour before they had to get up, get dressed and shower.

"It'd have to be quick," Harry said, with a raised eyebrow. She smiled and then laughed as his hands wandered under the sheets, curving around her backside and pulling her close, their bodies touching from chest to knees. He kissed her deeply, before whispering lowly, "Turn over."

* * *

 **More soon! Thanks for all the reviews so far.**


	14. Chapter 14

**Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. I've been struggling a little with this chapter and the next few, so apologies for the delay.**

* * *

In the morning Harry dressed in yesterdays clothes, having little other option, a permanent smile on his face. He would change his shirt when he got onto the grid. He had a few spares in his desk, usually for all nighters. "You'll have to lose the smile," Ruth said, though she made no effort herself to stop her own grin. "Otherwise people will notice." Ruth was already dressed, but it didn't stop him from wanting to undress her and kiss her skin all over again. One night wasn't enough. He wanted more. He'd wanted her for so long that he needed more. To make sure every detail of her was imprinted on his memory permanently. The precise sweep of her collarbone. The exact way her eyelashes fluttered when she came. How her the heels of her feet pressed against him hard when she wanted him to thrust deeper inside her. He'd already committed the big things to his memory, but he wanted every small moment on his mind forever. In case fate got in the way, and took this chance of happiness away from them.

"Oh, and Adam knows about the two of us, too." That brought him down to earth with a bump.

"How?" he asked, adjusting his tie as she sat on the edge of the bed. He turned back to her briefly, wondering if she was concerned. But she didn't seem to be, much to his relief.

"I told him," she said. "When we were tied up in the van, I thought Moran would kill us both. And Adam's quicker than me, a much better field agent than me. He had a higher chance of escaping." She swallowed uncomfortably. "I told Adam to tell you… if I didn't get out of it, to tell you that... I loved you. Because I do." She felt very uncomfortable, because Adam shouldn't have known that before Harry did. But at the time, that hadn't been one of her concerns. "I love you, Harry." He looked at her intensely so she carried on. "If I died, I wanted you to know that." He leaned over her, his face very close to hers.

"I love you, too," he said, smiling slightly. "But you could have told me that last night."

"Yes, because you wouldn't have thought my judgement was impaired by sex and adrenaline, would you?" she said, slightly sarcastically. "You already thought I'd seriously impaired judgement after the operation for sleeping with you in the first place." He nodded once.

"Well, in the cold light of day, I may change my opinion," he said. Because last night was…"

"I remember what last night was," she said, a wide smile on her face. "And this morning." His touch returned to her gently, her face and shoulders, fingertips gently skimming over her skin.

"I love you," she said simply. He kissed her deeply, ending up pressing her into the mattress. "Work," she reminded him, his body weight against her.

"I don't care," he said. "I have to kiss you." She laughed and let him.

* * *

The weeks passed calmly, the status quo still intact. It seemed to become an open secret on the grid that Harry and Ruth were involved. Whenever bad news had to be delivered to Harry, Ruth noticed that she was always the one who seemed to given the file. It seemed to be that everyone else thought Harry was less likely to explode at her. While she appreciated the logic, she didn't always appreciate being the bearer of bad news.

She was glad that the news of her liaison with Harry didn't seem to have made it to the other sections, but she knew it was simply a matter of time. It bothered her, but not as much as she'd expected. In her personal life, she was happy. For the first time in quite some years. She didn't mind her friends knowing.

Near the end of the day she picked up her desk phone as it rang. "Yes?"

"Ruth, it's me," Harry said. She smiled, she couldn't help it.

"JIC meeting ended early then?" she asked.

"Yes," he said. "There's nothing pressing, so I thought I'd go straight home."

"Mine or yours?" she asked. She had given him a key to her house a week or two ago.

"Yours?" he suggested. "I'd like to cook you dinner, waiting for when you get home?"

"You? Cook?" she asked with amusement at the mental image of Harry donning an apron in her kitchen, Fidget winding around his legs.

"Order take away and open a bottle of wine, then," he countered.

"Sounds great," she said, smiling widely. "I can't wait to see you."

"Me too," he said, voice going husky and sensual. "Tonight, I want to lay you down and slowly…"

"This phone line is one of the grids," she said, interrupting him. "We can't."

"Fine," he said with clear reluctance. "But I'm going to enjoy tonight. I haven't had you in bed for quite some time."

"No, but the kitchen table's got some memories," she said, her lips twitching.

"Come home," he said.

"I'm on my way." She put the phone down and signed off her work. It was already past seven in the evening. A perfectly respectable time to go home when no current operations were running. So she turned off her computer, gathered her things and went through the pods. Home to Harry.

* * *

She was just through the front door when hands grabbed her, pressing her against the door, a hand over her mouth to stop her from screaming. Fear flooded her when she heard the click of the safety being taken off of a handgun.

"Put her down," Harry said firmly. "Now." Her assailant let go and raised his hands and Ruth got a good look at him.

"Gary, what the hell are you doing?!" she shouted as she recognised him. "Are you trying to scare me?"

"I'm in trouble Ruth," he said, casting Harry and the gun a wary gaze.

"Put it down, Harry," she said calmly. "It's okay." He put the safety catch back on, but he didn't lower the weapon, still wanting to be on the alert. Years of training. She ignored the newcomer and walked towards Harry, her hand around the gun he held. "Harry, it's okay. He's a friend. Put the gun down." Her gentle touch on his skin was the reassurance he needed and he did let go of the weapon.

"Funny way of showing he's friendly," Harry said darkly.

"What kind of trouble?" Ruth asked turning back to the intruder.

"Kitchen," Harry said. They both followed him and Ruth picked up the wine glass that Harry had already poured for her as Gary Hicks sat down at her kitchen table.

"Since when do you walk around armed?" Ruth asked, looking at the gun on the kitchen counter top.

"I don't," Harry said. "I hid a gun in your house. For protection," he added at her look.

"You hid an illegal firearm in my house and didn't tell me?" she asked bewildered.

"It's not an illegal weapon. And I would have told you," he said. "I want you safe."

"Harry…"

"Sorry to interrupt," Hicks said, though he didn't look it. Ruth licked her lips, thinking there would probably be a better time to discuss Harry's need to hide guns in her house.

Harry walked behind her, a hand on the small of her back, needing to touch her for reassurance. She smiled at him slightly, silently telling him she was okay as he rested a hand on her shoulder. They both turned to the newcomer.

"Interrupting, am I?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"What do you want?" Harry asked, not appreciating his presence here. Mentally he'd planned a nice evening with Ruth, drinking wine, laughing and hopefully ending up in her bed, making her cry out with pleasure. He'd been looking forward to taking her to bed all day. It'd been the single thought that got him through a spectacularly dull JIC meeting, but it looked rather unlikely now.

"Clive McTaggart," Hicks said. He proceeded to explain the scene he'd walked in on, two men killing the old spy and how he'd made a run for it.

"You left your car there?" Harry asked.

"Yes," Hicks said.

"Then they already know who you are," Harry said. "Have you got a mobile phone?"

"Yeah?" he said blankly.

"They could have tracked you here," Ruth said.

"Give it here," Harry demanded. His voice was so forcefully that Hicks barely hesitated before offering his phone. Harry stripped it, destroying the SIM. He turned to Ruth. "You can't stay here," he said softly. "It's not safe."

"I know," she said.

"I'm going to call Adam, arrange a safe house for the pair of you," Harry said.

"But, can't…"

"No," Harry said, looking at her. He knew what she wanted to ask, to stay at his house until the threat was over. "I'd love that, you know I would. It's too dangerous. I want you safe."

"Fine," she said.

"I _was_ interrupting, wasn't I?" Hicks said watching the pair of them, a smarmy smile on his face. Harry didn't answer and called Adam.

"I need a little assistance in a relocation," he said lightly, in case anyone should be listening. The call was short and brief. Ruth knew they'd be here within ten minutes. She looked at Harry, both of them ignoring Hicks for the time being. He put his hands on her hips tentatively, because they had company.

"This could get…"

"I know," she said. "So much for our evening."

"We'll put it on hold," he said. He kissed her, gently as they had company. She smiled tightly against him. "I need you to take care."

"I'll be fine," she said. He nodded.

"Your boss, Ruth?" Hicks said. "Didn't know you had it in you." Ruth ignored him.


	15. Chapter 15

**I've been debating whether to stick closely with canon and ignore everything else, or let this story go the way it wants to. I've gone with the latter so I hope it works!**

* * *

It was late at night two days later, when they were both still at work, and Harry called her into his office. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes," Ruth said.

"How did you get mixed up with a man like Hicks?" Harry asked, nodding at her to sit down opposite him, which she did.

"He wasn't always like that," she said quietly. "He used to write the most insightful, beautiful pieces. Before he realised that no one actually cared and the money in journalism was about footballers and celebrities."

"I shouldn't ask," he said. "But I'm going to have to. Were you and he ever… involved?"

"No, Harry," she said, smiling slightly. "We've always been friends and nothing more. Not like with you. When I flirted with you and hoped you'd notice me one day."

"Oh, is that what we were doing, is it?" he asked, smiling slightly.

"It's what I was doing," she said, smiling slightly. His eyes sparkled at her, then much to her surprise he looked away from her tapping at his computer. "Harry?"

"Give me a minute," he said. She stayed silent until he returned his gaze to her. Still not speaking, he got up and drew the blinds.

"Harry?" she repeated quietly.

"I haven't been able to kiss you in days," he said deeply. "Not properly. I've just disabled the CCTV. I _really_ want to kiss you, Ruth. I need to."

"We're at work," she said, but her reluctance was halfhearted at best. She knew it had been far too long since she'd felt Harry's lips on hers, more than just a quick peck and she needed him just as badly.

"I want you," he said. The words were simple, but when they were accompanied by the look in his eyes of pure desire and his deep tone... they were her undoing. She walked towards him and kissed him, her palms on his chest. He deepened the embrace, his hands running through her hair, which he pulled free of its tie. She pressed her body against his, loving the solidness of him, the closeness. He was right, it had been too long. He kissed her neck, his tongue darting over her skin as her hands managed to find their way into his trousers, and squeezing his arse. He hissed at the sensation and she smirked, pleased that she could get him to respond like that. Her rationality, that they shouldn't be doing this in his office in Thames House was fast going out of the window, as the urge to open her thighs increased. She could feel him hard against her abdomen and knew that were they in complete privacy, he'd have her on her back begging for more within a minute.

"I want you," he whispered again, licking her earlobe as his right hand squeezed her breast with just the right pressure he'd learned she liked. "God, I want you. To feel your body under mine, to taste you…"

"Harry, don't," she said, reluctantly removing her hands. "Don't… work us both up when we can't do anything about it."

He stopped kissing her, but kept a firm grip on her waist, holding her body close to his, breathing heavily.

"I know," he said. The silence became uncomfortable and he changed the subject. "You call me when you get to the safe house."

"Do you really think…"

"I want you safe," he said firmly. "Call me."

"I will," she promised. He let go of her waist reluctantly and she pressed a relatively chaste kiss to his lips. "See you tomorrow, Harry. Love you." He kissed her gently once more.

"I love you too," he said. "Be careful." She nodded and then left his office. He couldn't contain his worry about her and he had a horrible feeling that something bad was about to happen.

* * *

 _ **Three hours later**_

Ruth felt a red hot burn through her left arm as she hit the floor. The bullets were showering the flat, and all she could do was keep her head down and hope any further shots would avoid her. The assault finished about a minute later, but to Ruth it felt like much longer. The pain in her arm was becoming more intense and she knew she'd suffered a shot. Fingers crossed it was only superficial, though it didn't feel like it.

It seemed like everything happened at once, as soon as the bullets stopped flying. Ambulances, backup, police and Harry all appeared within moments of each other. Or that's how it felt like to her.

"Ruth?" She looked up from the sofa she'd sat on once the gunmen vanished. Harry stood there, looking at her with concern. She'd just sat and not moved. Absently she realised she was in shock, but didn't get further in her thinking. "Are you all right?" he asked softly. The panic in his eyes had receded slightly when he saw that she was sitting here, actually conscious and looking relatively okay.

"Careful!" she shouted when he went to hold her hand. "I've been shot. It's not serious."

"Let me see," he said firmly. She held out her left forearm for him to see, but she didn't look herself. She didn't want to see the damage, she could feel it well enough.

"You'll be okay," he said, after assessing it. "But don't you ever say to me that it's not serious when you've take a bullet."

"Fine," she said. She didn't know if it was the shock or the pain, but everything seemed cloudy to her and faintly surreal.

"I'm going to have you taken to hospital to be checked out," he said gently.

"Fine," she repeated as he turned away from her, presumably to get the paramedics. "But Harry…" He looked at her.

"Mm?"

"Don't let them keep me in overnight," she said. "Please."

"Fine, but you're coming home with me," he said in a tone that brooked no arguments. She didn't want to argue. All she wanted was for Harry to hold her. In spite of the room full of people, he dipped to her and placed a kiss to her cheek, gentle and soft. She smiled at the touch and he left to call a paramedic over to her.

* * *

In the morning, Ruth woke early, the palest tinge of daybreak not even coming through the window yet. Harry had his arm around her and the pain from her gun wound was astounding. Clearly the pain killers had worn off, but she was slightly reluctant to disentangle herself from Harry to get more. After two or three minutes, though, she had no choice. The gunshot had gone straight through her arm, luckily without hitting the bone, but it still hurt like hell.

She tried to pull away, but Harry's grip on her became tighter. "No."

"I'll be right back, Harry," she said quietly.

"Don't go," he said. His voice sounded so small and pleading that she froze for a moment. She didn't think Harry could ever sound like that.

"I'm not leaving," she said.

"If you leave me, then I'll be all alone." His voice was so small and she'd never seen him like this. He sounded nothing like Harry Pearce. Even though she knew he was asleep, it broke her heart to hear him like this.

"I'm not leaving, Harry," she said. She squeezed his hand and his arms loosened around her, as he slowly fell back into sleep. As quickly as she could, she got her painkillers and a glass of water before laying in bed next to him. His arm clumsily went around her in sleep and she stayed still, letting him touch her. Ruth didn't move, letting the painkillers do their job as the sky steadily brightened out the window.

When Harry returned to consciousness about an hour later, he smiled slightly. "Are you lonely, Harry?" she asked quietly.

"Why are you asking that?" he said.

"You were murmuring in your sleep," she said. "You sounded… so very lonely."

"I have been lonely," he said slowly. "In the past I've been so lonely I could barely breathe for it. Not any more."

"Are you putting that responsibility entirely on me?" she asked, bewildered.

"No," he said. "But you help, I'm not going to deny that." She smiled at him. "It's nice to have someone who cares."

"Do me the one favour," she said. He looked at her, waiting. "Don't hide guns in my house without telling me."

"I knew that would come up," he said. "I won't. I shouldn't have done it. My pathetic excuse, but I just want you to be safe. How is your arm?"

"Okay," she said. "I'll be fine." He pulled her close and kissed her gently.

"Good morning."

"Hi," she said.

"You know, it broke all protocols to have you staying here last night," he said. "Safe houses are there for a reason."

"Well, the last safe house wasn't so safe, was it?" she said.

"No," he agreed. "And I wanted to be with you too." He kissed her again. "I need you to be careful. I can't have anything happen to you." He looked at her arm pointedly. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said. "I…" she didn't get any further because Harry's doorbell rang. Not just once, but continuously.

"Get dressed," Harry said briefly, sensing a problem as he threw on his dressing gown and hurried down the stairs to stop the constant ringing. He pulled open the door and opened his eyes in surprise at the sight of his daughter standing there. She came in and promptly burst into tears.

"Catherine?" he asked, bewildered. He'd never done very well when his children were upset, not knowing how to handle it or what to say for the best. "What's wrong?" he asked as Catherine almost collapsed against him, crying against him.

"G… Graham's OD'ed. He's… in hospital."

"Which one?" Harry asked urgently. He took her by the shoulders, looking directly into her face. "Catherine, calm down and tell me which hospital."

"St… Mary's," she said. "Oh God…"

"What kind of state is he in?" Harry asked, knowing what he really meant was _"will he live?"_

"Unconscious," Catherine said. "They... don't know if he'll make it."

"What is it?"

"Heroin."

"Right, you need to sit down, I'll get dressed and drive us to the hospital," he said firmly, slipping into his grid persona. He had to keep a lid on his emotions, for now.

"Yes," she agreed, sitting on the sofa and sobbing into her hands. At this particular moment, Ruth came down the stairs, dressed and clearly wanting to leave as soon as possible.

"I know I'm in the way," she said, before Harry could say a word. "I'll just go to the grid. Take your time."

Catherine had noticed Ruth's entrance and was quickly wiping her face free of tears. "Oh, well I'm clearly not welcome, am I?" Catherine said loudly. "I don't even know why I came here. It's not as if I thought you'd care."

"Catherine, don't," Harry said firmly as his daughter got up to leave.

"Bye Harry," Ruth said surely, leaving the house, feeling that her presence wasn't helpful when Catherine was having a meltdown and Harry clearly needed to get to the hospital. Ruth had overheard some of the conversation from upstairs. She left the house, heading towards the grid before Harry turned to his daughter.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and reviewing this so far.**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thanks for the reviews, and this chapter jumps right back in to where I left off.**

* * *

"Catherine, I know you're upset and stressed, but don't take it out on Ruth."

"Nothing's changed, has it?" Catherine said with venom. "When your family needed you and you were off screwing different whores every night."

"Right, we can have this argument in the car," he said, knowing he wasn't getting anywhere. "Give me two or three minutes to put some clothes on."

"Fine," Catherine said angrily, knowing that she was far too emotional to drive and public transport would take hours. Harry hurried to get changed and within five minutes they were in the car towards the hospital. They were too early for the rush hour, something for which Harry was grateful.

"Catherine, I know you're incredibly worried," he said, holding onto his temper. "But if you call Ruth a whore again, I'm going to lose my temper. You have no reason to think she's anything else, I'm sure from past experiences. But Ruth is different."

"God, dad, do you think I'm worrying about your latest conquest right now?!" Harry let it go. He knew Catherine was worried, God, he was worried! His son could be dying. Arguing about Ruth wasn't important right now. Silence fell in the car, until about five minutes later when Catherine shouted. "Dad!"

He slammed the brakes on, having failed to notice the car pull out in front of him. His mind had been on his son in hospital and as he continued to drive both he and Catherine noticed his hands were shaking on the steering wheel.

"Have you told your mother?" Harry asked quietly as they pulled into the hospital car park.

"Yes, but she's in Australia. Holiday. She's trying to get a flight back and I… I needed someone."

"I'm glad you told me," Harry said honestly. "I'd have hated to have not known."

"Okay," Catherine said as Harry stopped the car. "Dad… what if…"

"It'll be okay," he said. He leaned across and hugged her tightly. It had been too long since he'd held his daughter like this. "Come on," he said eventually. She nodded and they both hurried into the hospital.

* * *

"Graham Pearce?" he asked the receptionist. She nodded and tapped away on her computer. When she'd got the information, her face turned serious.

"Are you family?" she asked and Harry could feel dread filling him.

"Yes," Catherine said. "I'm his sister, and this is our father. Would you please just tell us?"

"He's in the ICU, on the third floor," she said. "He's unconscious."

"But alive?" Harry asked, his mouth very dry.

"Yes."

"Thank you," Catherine said as they went to the lift. Neither of them spoke. Harry knew his heart was racing but he couldn't think of a single thing to say. He had no reassurance to offer his daughter. _Oh God_. The journey up to the third floor seemed to take an age. As if time was slowing down for them. He couldn't find words but he did reach for Catherine and squeeze her hand tightly. She squeezed back as the lift doors opened and they were confronted with another reception desk. "Graham Pearce?" Harry asked again. Before she could reply, a doctor, maybe in his middle forties overheard them.

"I'm Mr Pearce's doctor," he said.

"How is he?" Catherine asked.

"Well, he'll live," the doctor said, but his tone was dark. "He's currently unconscious and we're flushing the drugs from his system. But he should make a recovery." Both Catherine and Harry let go of the breath they'd been holding in unison.

"However," the doctor continued. "If he stays on the drugs, if he doesn't get clean, he'll be in this position again. And it'll get worse and worse until he kills himself."

"Okay," Harry said, not needing the lecture right now. "Can we see him?" the doctor nodded and they followed him down the corridor. It was only a short walk but Harry paused outside the closed door. He hadn't laid eyes on his son in five years, and now he would and he would be unconscious. What a completely useless father he was.

"Dad?" Catherine said. "Come on." He shook himself out of his reverie and opened the door. Catherine rushed in and instantly sat at her brothers side, holding his hand. Harry stayed by the door, watching the small figure of his son. He looked so thin. Emaciated even. Clearly his food of choice lately had been heroin. The beep of the machines was reassuring but as he looked at his son, he felt so helpless. He could have helped his son in the past, but he'd chosen to ignore the situation. How bloody useless.

Graham's face was covered with a mask, but Harry could see that in the last few years, Graham had changed. He now looked almost exactly like Harry himself had looked at that age. There was no doubting that Harry was his father, the similarities were striking.

"Dad?" Catherine said, looking at him still hovering by the door.

"I could have helped him," Harry said hollowly. "I could have done… so much more."

"No, I don't think you could have," Catherine said quietly. "I'm not letting you off the hook entirely, you could pick up the phone every now and then but… he wouldn't accept help. Believe me, I tried often enough. He didn't want to hear it. And he always was stubborn when it came to you," Catherine added. "I doubt any help you could have offered would have been well received."

"I'm a shit father," he said, finally sitting down next to Catherine, closer to his sons face. Catherine looked at him.

"Yes," she agreed simply. He was so surprised that he couldn't stop a completely inappropriate burst of laughter from emerging.

"Sorry," he said.

"But you're the only one we've got," she continued. "Just… when he gets out of here… just try."

"I will," he said.

Catherine sighed and looked away from her brother. "I hate seeing him like this. Tell me something to distract me. Talk about anything else. Who's Ruth?" she added. Now that she'd seen her brother was alive, she was somewhat calmer, and privately regretting her outburst at her father's house.

"You don't want to hear about her," he said.

"I do," she said. "I'm… sorry for what I said. I was…"

"I know," Harry said shortly. He took a deep breath, weighing his words carefully. He was never very good discussing his feelings at the best of times. "She's amazing," he said quietly. "We… work together. It's not a brief or casual thing," he added, guessing what she'd suspect. "It's… I can't really describe it."

"I only caught sight of her as she left, but she's quite a bit younger than you, isn't she?"

"Mm," Harry said. The age gap had never worried him. He had been more concerned about how their relationship would work when he was her boss. "Yes, she is, but it doesn't matter." Catherine raised her eyebrows ut said nothing. "Actually, I should call her." At that, Catherine's face shut down, going very grim.

"Of course. We've had ten minutes of your time, I couldn't expect much more."

"I have to call her because she was shot yesterday," Harry said calmly. "She shouldn't have been on public transport, it's dangerous."

"Why would someone want to shoot her?"

"They didn't," he said. "They wanted to shoot the person she was protecting. I need to call her, but I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right back." Catherine nodded, letting Harry leave the room with no further argument. He called Ruth and she answered after only two rings.

"Harry?"

"Are you all right?" he asked. "Got to work okay?"

"I'm fine," she said. "You shouldn't be worrying about me. How is he?"

"He'll live," Harry said shortly. "Unconscious but he'll live. I don't know Ruth, he's clearly not great if he's addicted to heroin, is he? I don't know what to do."

"I'm sorry for leaving like that this morning," Ruth said. "I just thought… one less thing for you to deal with. I could see my presence would make things complicated."

"I understand," he said. He did. "Ruth, tonight can you…"

"I'll be at your house tonight if you want me," she said. "If you need me."

"I do," he said, swallowing against the solid lump in his throat. "Yes, thank you."

"I hate to add another thing…"

"But?" Harry asked.

"You were planning on meeting Juliet on the embankment at one o'clock. Confront her with the book to stop the assassins going after Hicks."

"Oh shit," Harry said. He had planned that, and the less gunmen going after members of his team, the better.

"I can get Adam to go instead," Ruth said. "I know you need to be at the hospital."

"No," Harry said. "As much as I hate it, Juliet wont listen to him. It has to be me. And I don't want to rearrange it because it gives another night that they can try and shoot Hicks. And he might be irritating, but he doesn't deserve to be shot for it. I'll be there."

"I'm sorry, Harry," she said. "That it should come up today when you're…"

"I know," he said. "I'll deal with it. Ruth?"

"Yes?"

"I love you," he said urgently.

"I know that," she said. "Love you, too. I'm sorry."

"Bye." He disconnected the call and went back into the room with both of his children.

* * *

 **I am still trying to keep this tied with canon, with the result that this will probably be a rather long story! Thanks for reading so far.**


	17. Chapter 17

**So I need to apologise for the delay in getting this chapter up. I haven't had the best week, and not been in the mood for writing. Anyway, hope this is worth the delay. Enjoy.**

* * *

It was six in the evening when Graham started to stir. Harry had dealt with Juliet and come straight back to the hospital. He'd been gone for about an hour and ten minutes, no more, but he hadn't liked being away from his son. Even he could appreciate the irony that this was a son he hadn't seen in years, and now he didn't want to leave him. Catherine had gone to get something to eat, under Harry's insistence, which meant that when Graham opened his eyes, it was his father who he saw first. He grabbed for the mask and took it off.

"What are you doing here?" Graham asked hoarsely. With his face unobscured by the mask, Harry could see the dark circles under his bloodshot eyes and how chalky white his face was. He did look like a drug addict, he hated to even think it to himself.

"You overdosed," he said quietly. "Of course I would be here."

"You're only here because of Catherine," Graham said.

"She called me," he admitted. "But had I known you were in hospital, nothing would have kept me away anyway."

"I don't have the energy to argue with you," Graham said. "I'm alive. Duty done. You can go now."

Harry sighed heavily. "I want to help you. I want to make things better." Graham said nothing, just closed his eyes, as if wishing Harry would disappear. At that moment Catherine came in.

"Oh thank God. You're awake!" she said, rushing over and grasping his hand. "How are you?"

"Fine," he said. "Or as fine as I'm likely to be."

"Graham, this has to stop," she said firmly. "I don't want to be going to your funeral. You _have_ to stop." Graham glanced at his father for a moment before answering.

"I know," he said. "I know. I just… can't. It's called an addiction for a reason, Cat." She had nothing to say to that and Harry felt as if he were intruding. As if he were one person too many.

"I'm pleased you're awake," Harry said quietly, wanting to make his exit. His usual go to when things just felt too awkward. "I'll come back and see you in the morning?" he hadn't meant it to be a question, it just came out that way. Graham locked eyes with his father for a moment. He gave half a shrug and said, "if you like." From their recent history, Harry took that as a very good response indeed. He left before he could push it too far.

* * *

Ruth had let herself in to Harry's house and was making tea when he came in. He looked wild eyed and very upset.

"Shall I forget the tea and get the whisky?" she asked, seeing his face. "Do you want to talk?"

"I don't want whisky," he said. "I don't want to talk and I don't want tea." Ruth stood there bewildered. "I want you. I want to forget for a few minutes about this awful day. And I really want you, Ruth."

"Are you sure that's the best idea?" she asked, though her eyes dipped briefly to his shirt which was undone at his throat.

"Right now, yes, I am sure," he said. "If you want," he added. She closed the gap between them and put her hand to his face, looking into his eyes.

"Harry, are you okay?" she asked very gently. He nodded because he didn't want to speak, for fear that he might very well fall apart in the face of her sympathy. "Upstairs?" she said. He nodded.

* * *

Not even ten minutes later, she found herself naked, exhausted, covered in sweat as she lay on the bed trying to recover her breathing. Harry had been urgent, ardent and rough and her body was still quivering.

Harry turned towards her and held her close. "I'm so sorry," he murmured.

"Don't," she said quietly. "It's okay." She stroked his back gently as he started to cry, quietly and without a fuss. She held him, knowing it was the emotion of the day and not blaming him in the slightest for having reached breaking point. "He'll be fine," she said. "Graham will be fine." Eventually he quietened and kissed her very softly.

"I think you should get some sleep," she said. "Do you need a sleeping pill?" He shook his head.

"Thank you, Ruth." She smiled and kept looking at him until he fell asleep, which took a surprisingly short time. Exhaustion, she thought. She disentangled herself and had a quick shower to clean herself up. She had wanted more than anything to be there for Harry, and she was very glad he'd let her. Though if she knew anything about him, she guessed he'd feel guilty in the morning, using her for sex and a distraction. Not that she hadn't enjoyed it, she had. Harry had been much less careful than normal and she'd enjoyed him losing complete control. But he would feel guilty, because he was usually an extremely attentive lover. She turned the shower off and wrapped her body in a towel before returning to bed. Harry was still sleeping, much to her relief and she got in the bed carefully so as not to wake him. Then she slept.

* * *

When she awoke, she was alone. She quickly dressed and hurried downstairs where she found Harry cooking breakfast. Actually cooking, the bacon and eggs in the frying pan. He'd never done this since she started sleeping with him and the sight froze her for a moment in its surprise. He had a rigid stance too, as if bracing himself for something unpleasant. He was dressed and his shirt was taught across his back from the tension in his body.

"Morning," she said. "Have you called the hospital?"

"Yes," he said. "Still stable and conscious. They think he's through the worst of it."

"You know he's not," she said softly. "The addiction won't just…"

"I know," he said, cutting her off.

"What's wrong?" she asked, not liking the way he was speaking to her.

"I feel… so ashamed," he said. "The way I treated you last night. I… I don't know what came over me and I'm so, so sorry."

"Would you look at me please?" she asked as she was still facing his back. He turned around and she saw that she'd been right in her assumptions last night. He did look guilty.

"Please don't apologise," she said. "And don't look at me like that. I can't bear it."

"Ruth, last night…"

"You were not doing anything I didn't want," she said firmly. "And I don't like you implying that, either," she said.

"I was being so selfish," he said. "I can't…" He shook his head.

"So the bacon and eggs is… an apology?" she asked as he turned to plate up their breakfasts.

"Something like that," he said. They sat down and ate quickly. They didn't speak again until their plates were empty. "How's your arm?"

"Fine," she said shortly. He raised his eyebrows at her. "Well, it hurts like hell, but I'll survive."

"No one's expecting you at work today, Harry," she said.

"Have you told them what's happened?"

"No," she said quietly. "It's not my place to tell anyone. I've just mentioned to Adam that you had a personal emergency. He wasn't stupid enough to ask me for more information."

"Okay," Harry said. He cleared their plates and bowed his head at the sink.

"Go to the hospital," she said calmly. I'll see you later. Or tomorrow."

"Later," he said. "Please… please be here tonight. I… need you."

"Okay," she said. "If you want me to." She knew it was hard for him to admit to needing anyone, in any capacity. "Go." He nodded and kissed her cheek very softly before leaving for his son.

* * *

Ruth arrived on the grid and shuffled out of her coat with a little difficulty because of her arm. Her computer was still warming up when Adam came over to her. He glanced at Harry's office.

"No Harry today?"

"No," she said. "I doubt he'll be in at all."

"What's…?"

"I can't really say," she said. "I just… can't. It's personal."

"Ruth…" he said, eyes urgent. "We need to know."

"It's nothing to do with the grid," she said. "Someone in his family is ill," she added when Adam showed no signs of letting it go. "Unless something urgent comes up, it's just paperwork today. Leave him alone."

"Oh," Adam said. "Is he okay?"

"No," she said honestly. "No, Adam, he's not."


	18. Chapter 18

**It may seem like I'm dropping the Graham story line here, but I'm planning of entwining it in later chapters, after going back to canon for a bit. Thanks for the continued support for this story.**

* * *

When Harry appeared at the hospital, Graham was sat up eating breakfast. "Hi," he said quietly.

"Hello," Graham said, pushing the breakfast tray aside.

"How are you?" Harry asked sitting next to his son.

"I feel like a bit of an idiot," he said. "Taking too much heroin and ending up in here."

Harry felt pleased that Graham seemed to be in a receptive mood this morning. "I know I have no right to tell you what to do, but… you have to stop. You'll kill yourself one day."

"I know," he said, closing his eyes. "But I can't. I… can't."

He'd been debating what to say to his son since he left hospital the night before. "You need rehab."

"You think I don't know that?!" Graham shouted. "Of course I know that! I don't want to be like this. I live in a shitty little flat, I'm sunk in debt, you really think I can afford those places?" He sighed, then shook his head. "Don't lecture me, dad."

"It wasn't a lecture," he said calmly. "And you shouldn't worry about the money either, I'll take care of it." His son glared at him. "I'm really worried about you."

"First time for everything," Graham said.

"I thought it might be better… easier maybe, for both of us… were I to leave you alone."

"I need to get out of here," he said. "Get me out of here."

"Where are you going to go?" Harry asked. "If you're released?"

"Don't. Just… do me a favour and get me discharged."

"Fine."

* * *

Ruth hadn't heard from Harry all day, beyond a text message saying h was safe and at home. She went to his house, feeling a little trepidation about seeing him, with how they left things that morning. She had seemed to worry more the longer the day had dragged on and was relieved when she received no urgent updates at work that needed dealing with.

"Hi," she said as she walked into the kitchen. "How are you?"

"Okay," he said, a small smile on his face. She could see it was genuinely true, and he was in a much better place than twenty four hours ago. She walked towards him and kissed his cheek gently. His arms went around her, palms resting on the small of her back for a moment.

"How was today?" she asked.

"I think… that things went okay," he said slowly. He passed her a glass of wine and let go of her body. "Graham's not exactly talkative right now. And Jane arrived this afternoon."

"Oh?"

"She'd come straight from the airport" Harry said. "First time I've spoken to her civilly in years. Probably because our focus is Graham."

"And?"

"He's in rehab right now. How long he stays there is anyone's guess."

"That's good, isn't it?"

"Yes," Harry said. Ruth waited, knowing there was more coming. "Yes it is, but I doubt he'll see it through."

"You need to have faith in him," Ruth said gently.

"I know," Harry said with a sigh. "Listen, Jane might turn up here unannounced. I haven't invited her but she tends to appear without warning. Just so you're prepared in case she does."

"Okay," Ruth said quietly. Then she voiced something she'd been thinking about all day. "You know… I'd like to meet your children. Once this disaster is handled and things are calmer. Under better circumstances."

"If you want to," Harry said. She felt pleased and relieved that he wasn't immediately shutting her or the suggestion out. "I think… you're a permanent part of my life. If you want to be. I don't want this to end, so if you wanted to meet my children…"

"I do," she said, smiling slightly. "Thank you."

"I'm going to apologise again for last night…"

"Harry, don't," she said firmly but quietly. "I did not once say no or stop. So please stop apologising. It's getting boring," she added, her lips twitching upwards in a slight smile. She kissed him on the mouth, the first time she had all day. He responded to her, cradling her face as he kissed her deeply. She couldn't resist from pressing her body against his as he held her tightly. When they parted, they were both breathing heavily and pressed up against each other.

"Are you hungry?" he asked slightly breathlessly.

"No," she said. "I ate at work. I just… want a bath and then want to go to bed."

"Okay." He stroked her hair gently. He didn't feel quite brave enough to suggest his company for her bath, after the last forty eight hours, so he let her go, listening as she walked upstairs.

* * *

They were wrapped up together in bed, kissing and touching each other when Harry paused, his thumb stroking her abdomen lightly. They had an unspoken agreement that they wouldn't have sex tonight, so Harry broached a subject that he'd wanted to talk about for a while.

"I'd like you to be honest with me," Harry said.

"What?" she asked, bewildered.

"I know that's not an appendectomy scar," he said. She froze in his arms.

"Harry…"

"It's on the wrong side to be your appendix. You can tell me the truth," he said calmly.

"I don't talk about it," she said calmly. "Let go of me." He dropped his hands and she put a significant distance (considering they were in bed) between them.

"Ruth…"

"Goodnight," she said coldly.

"You can talk to me," he said, not giving up. "I have an idea about what may have happened. You can trust me."

"I don't talk about it. Ever," she said. She rolled over, away from him and looked as if she was clutching the duvet to her body. "Goodnight Harry." The arctic breeze coming from her side of the bed was stronger than he'd ever experienced before. He sighed, and didn't mention it again, though he struggled to fall asleep for quite some time.

* * *

When Ruth awoke the next day, Harry was already up and dressed, clearly intending to go to work from the suit and tie. She didn't speak because he was on the phone and waited for the conversation to end.

"Checking up on him," Harry explained a few minutes later.

"Graham?"

"Mm, still in rehab." He sighed heavily. "I just needed to make sure. He didn't seem that... talkative."

She nodded. "Last night. I'm sorry about reacting that way."

"Ruth, its okay," he said, taking her hands in his.

"No it's not," she said. "I can't talk about it. I can't. It's not that I don't trust you, it's…"

"I shouldn't have asked," he said. "It's clearly… a painful memory.

"I will…talk about it one day. But don't ask me now."

"Okay," he said. "I love you."

"I know," she said. "I love you too."


	19. Chapter 19

**Going back to canon now, this ties in with 4-6. A shorter chapter this time, sorry!**

* * *

A few days later, the shrill ringing of the phone had Ruth groaning. It was the middle of the bloody night. Couldn't whoever it was sod off until a reasonable hour? She fumbled across to the bedside table, Harry stirring beside her. "What?" she asked answering the phone. It was only then that she realised her mistake. She'd picked up Harry's phone. Had she not been roused from sleep, feeling disorientated and drowsy, she'd never have made that error.

"Is Harry there?" an amused voice that she unfortunately recognised straight away. She said nothing, just passed the phone over, feeling awful. The voice on the other end of the phone belonged to Oliver Mace. _Shit_. They'd done so well hiding their relationship from other areas of the service, and she'd ruined it by blindly picking up the phone in the middle of the night. Now no longer even remotely sleepy, she put her head in her hands as Harry finished the rather brief call.

"I have to go," he said heavily.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to do that. Answer your phone. It was a mistake."

"Don't worry," he said calmly, getting out of bed and turning the light on so he could get dressed.

"There's no way Mace wouldn't have recognised me," she said, though she was admiring Harry's naked back as he dressed.

"You said one word," he replied. "Even if he did… so what?"

"Harry…"

"I don't want to hide you," he said, putting his shirt on. "I'm in love with you, Ruth and I don't care who knows it." She smiled at that. She was worried about Mace knowing, but hearing Harry say that warmed her heart.

"Why do you have to rush off? What can't wait until 9am?"

"Intercepts from a terror suspect. Nazeem Malik. Apparently planning to bomb…" he shrugged, the specific details from the call having faded away. "Oh God, I'm too tired for this."

"Which requires you to be up now because?"

"They want to give me the intel they've discovered and my opinion about what to do about him. Well, me and a few others including Mace and Juliet."

"Forgive me if I don't seem thrilled that you're leaving our bed at three a.m. to spend time with your former lover," she said, but her voice was light. "You're crooked," she added. She got up and straightened his tie and collar at the back, before he turned around. His eyes took her in, wearing nothing at all and he smiled at her.

"Thank you for the lovely image you're leaving me with."

"Take care," she said.

"I will. See you later." He kissed her deeply in farewell. She got back into bed as Harry left and after a while she managed to go back to sleep.

* * *

Ruth saw the nod of Harry's head from across the grid and knew he needed to talk to her, without him saying a word. She went to his office, and opened the door. "Yes?" He tilted his head in a way which she understood to mean "close the door." She did and stood in front of his desk, waiting.

"Somewhere in special branch, there's a file containing what Malik said to his interrogators when he was first imprisoned. Now Paul Seymour doesn't want me to see it."

A smile hovered on her lips. "I'll see what I can do."

"Thank you." She turned to the door and then changed her mind.

"Harry, I might have to… flirt a little bit, to get my hands on it."

"Oh?"

"Not everything is hackable, Harry. I need to appeal to a mans…

"Choose your words carefully, Ruth." She couldn't help the smile that broke out onto her face at his raised eyebrow.

"Better nature," she said. "Don't worry. I'll get you the file you need." She reached across his desk and squeezed his hand gently. "Give me a few hours."

* * *

As promised a few hours later Ruth passed the aforementioned file into Harry's hands as he flicked through it.

"Do you also turn water into wine?"

"Not really," she said.

"How did… what did you call it? Appealing to Hopkins' better nature, go?"

"I got the file," she said, avoiding the question. "It turns out that Hopkins particular weak spots have nothing to do with me. More his career."

"Mm," Harry said, leaving it at that.

"Besides I have a weakness for one particular man, with the most expressive, gentle hands I've ever felt on my skin," she said, not letting her eyes leave his face as she carried on. "He has the most beautiful hazel eyes that always make it feel like he's seeing straight through me." She'd never flirted with him this brazenly, this openly at work before and he found it very exhilarating and highly arousing. "Oh, and his lips. The way they caress my body and send such exquisite sensations through me, every single time he kisses me."

"Ruth," he breathed.

"I want you tonight," she said, her voice quiet. "I need you. Come over to my place later."

"Yours?" he asked. Their evenings tended to be spent at Harry's house as it was both larger and closer to work. She put her hand on his and leaned closer.

"I have some rather revealing lingerie I want to wear. It's at mine. Unless you'd rather me not bothering…"

"Well, it will be coming off rather soon. I hope," he said, eyes glowing.

"Yes," she agreed, almost breathless. She reached across the desk and squeezed his hand tightly. "Later. I can't wait." She turned and left his office. When he was alone he let out a deep shuddering breath. Her words turned him on immensely and he had no idea how he was meant to get through the rest of the work day. She couldn't wait? Well, he couldn't either.

* * *

 **Thank you so much to those who are sticking with this longer story. More soon.**


	20. Chapter 20

**Sorry for the unexpected break. I became both busy and uninspired to write this. As I've had a break from writing, I'm going to move on just a little in time and move on to around episode 4-7 to try and get back into this.**

* * *

When Harry came home from a late JIC meeting, the sight that met him made him smile. Ruth was curled up on the sofa, the TV on quietly in the background, a glass of wine hanging precariously from her fingertips. He adored coming home to her and the smile was still on his face as he took the glass of wine from her and put it safely on the coffee table.

"Mm?"

"It's okay," he said quietly.

"You're home," she said. He leaned over hr and kissed her gently in hello.

"I am." She shifted her legs and he sat on the end of the sofa, taking her feet in his hands.

"How was the meeting?" she asked, sighing as he started rubbing her feet. "Oh that's nice."

"The meeting was fine," he said, not really wanting to talk about it. "Move in with me."

"What?" she asked, opening her eyes. Even in the dim light from the television, he could see the shock on her face.

"Move in with me," he repeated calmly. He didn't take his touch off of her feet, but watched every expression on her face. "I love you. I don't like coming home when you're not here. I want to be with you as much as possible." She said nothing and as the seconds turned into minutes, Harry started to wonder if he'd horribly misjudged the situation. "If you don't want to…"

"I do, but…" She pulled her feet off of him and sat up to turn the light on. "Harry, I'm half asleep. It's probably not the best time for me to be making life decisions like this."

"Ruth…"

"I love you," she said. "I do. But I need to think about this. It's who I am, I have to."

"I understand," he said. He did. "You've been hurt before. Haven't you?"

"Yes. In my personal life… I don't trust easily. And I have to think things through."

"I know that," he said. "Lets go to bed."

"Are you sure?"

"I can think of nothing better after six hours of talking about terrorists than curling up with you in bed." He smiled gently at her, his hazel eyes very soft as she put her palm to his cheek. She leaned closer to him and kissed him, a light kiss which turned quickly passionate. "Bed?" she repeated. He nodded.

* * *

In the morning, Ruth was making tea when she heard Harry talking on the phone. She couldn't catch the words, but knew the tone well. It was the one he used at work when he was frustrated. Or talking to an ignorant politician.

"What is it?" she asked, adding a sugar to his tea without asking as he came into the kitchen.

"Graham's checked himself out of rehab," he said darkly. Ruth knew he'd been calling almost daily to check up on his son, but this was the first time Harry had mentioned anything out of the ordinary.

"Ah."

"And I have no idea where he could be either. I've got no number or address. God, if he goes back to…" Ruth put her hand on his arm.

"He'll be okay," she said, though without much conviction. "He knows where you are."

"Yes, and that's done a fat lot of good in the past." He pinched his nose hard. "There's nothing to do."

"He might go to his mother. You could call her…"

"No," Harry said firmly. "We only ever argue even when we start the conversation with the best of intentions."

"Put it aside for your son," she advised. "If she knows where he is, it will stop you worrying." He looked at his watch to see if it were too early to call and then nodded.

"Unfortunately, you're right," he said. "Like usual." He kissed her and picked up his phone with a very heavy sigh. The doorbell rang and Ruth went to answer it without thinking about it. She shouldn't have been too surprised when she opened the door to reveal Graham standing there.

"Oh," she said, rather stupidly. She knew it was Graham at once. His face was very similar to his fathers and as his eyes took her in, going over her figure very quickly she was quietly shocked by the familiarity of the gesture.

"Sorry," he said politely. "I think I've got the wrong house."

"You haven't," she said calmly. "Come in, your father's in the kitchen." He paused at the doorway, looking at her again. "Harry," she called into the house. He emerged and instantly put the phone down when he saw his son.

"Graham."

"Dad," he said after a pause. Graham picked up a full black bin liner Ruth hadn't noticed and came in. "I didn't know where to go," he said. "I can't go back to where I was living. I'll get hooked again. I don't want that." He shrugged and looked down. "All I own in the world," he said, kicking the bag gently. He looked back at his father. "Can I stay here?"

"Yes, of course," he said after only the slightest hesitation. "How are you?"

"Better than I was," he said. "And not bed bound any more, so that's something." His eyes went to Ruth who'd said nothing, not knowing exactly what to say. "You must be Ruth," Graham said. "Cat told me about you."

"Good?" she said, it seeming like more of a question than she intended. Harry took a breath to speak when his phone rang.

"That'll be your mother," Harry said heavily. "I have to answer..." Ruth nodded as Harry went into the kitchen, leaving Ruth and Graham together.

"Lets sit down," she suggested, going into the lounge. Graham followed, still looking at Ruth quite critically.

"You're younger than I thought you'd be," he said.

"Somewhere along the line that's stopped being a compliment and started becoming a little insulting."

"No, I just meant…" he didn't finish his sentence, just shrugging.

"I love him," she said simply, looking at her hands. It wasn't easy for her to talk about her emotions at the best of times. "Even when he's not an easy man to be with. Especially then, actually." Graham almost snorted in agreement. "Graham, he has a hard shell. He absolutely has to, doing what he does. But, the man underneath is surprising. If you stop to take a look. And if he lets you see."

"I know you mean well, but nothing will have changed."

"Of course it has," Ruth said. "Things change all the time. And I know full well that Harry has made mistakes with his children. But I also know he regrets them. Give him a chance."

Graham looked skeptical, so Ruth continued. "If you don't believe that, then why are you here?"

"Point taken," he said after a moment. Harry came into the lounge and looked at them both.

"Ruth..."

"Yes, I know," she said, getting up to go to work. "I'll tell Adam you'll be late."

"I just need someone keeping an eye on Fiona and the Syrians," Harry said. "And I don't think Adam's the most clear headed to deal with that. I'll be in soon."

"Bye," she said, kissing his cheek briefly. "Bye Graham," she added. He nodded as Ruth left the house, leaving both men feeling highly uncomfortable left together.


	21. Chapter 21

**Thanks for the reviews, I'm pleased and surprised that people are still reading this, so thank you! I also hadn't expected this chapter to go in the direction it did, but hey ho!**

* * *

Ruth emerged onto the grid and looked around. Everyone was arriving for the day, or already working, but Adams eyes found hers. "Harry?" he asked approaching her.

"On his way in," she said. Adam frowned and Ruth sighed. She knew he was concerned about Fiona, but it wasn't really his business. And looking at her watch, Harry wasn't even late for another ten minutes yet. "He'll be here."

"I've got a bad feeling about this operation," he admitted. "I don't like Fiona being with these people. It's too close to home."

"I know you're worried," she said. "Fiona's not stupid, she'll know if she meets anyone. From before."

"I hope you're right." Adam shook his head and went back to his desk. Ruth logged in to her computer and started double checking the surveillance footage. When Harry came onto the grid some twenty minutes later, she'd already been swallowed up by work and didn't have the chance to talk to him privately about Graham. It wasn't until past three o'clock that she found time to go up to the roof, guessing Harry would follow her. She wasn't disappointed.

"How are things?" she asked. "With Graham?"

"Good," he replied, squeezing her hand briefly. "Relatively. I think he'll be okay. He'll be staying at mine for a while."

"Okay," she said. The tone in her voice must have sounded wrong because he looked at her sharply.

"I don't want anything to change between us because of him," he said.

"Your son is hardly going to want me around," she said.

"I don't care," Harry said simply. "I need you." She nodded but didn't look convinced as she looked across the city.

"I don't want to come between you and your son," she said.

"You wont," he said. "If he storms out, which I think likely, it won't be because of you."

"I love you," she said quietly, leaning her head on his shoulder. He kissed her head gently and the stayed there for a few seconds which turned into comfortable minutes, holding each other. Harry's phone buzzed and they knew their brief moment of respite had come to an end.

"Adam," Harry said, looking at the caller. "Yes?" he asked, answering it. "What kind of trouble?" They both moved towards the door to head back to the grid as they were clearly needed.

* * *

"He's gone," Ruth said into the emphatic silence on the grid. Adam had disconnected his ear piece and they all instinctively knew what that meant. However it took another fifteen minutes to get paramedics on the scene and for them to relay the information back to the grid that there was no hope for Fiona. She was gone.

It was in a state of silence and almost stunned disbelief that people on the grid dispersed. Ruth quietly and slowly put her coat on and left the grid to go home. Harry didn't stop her. There was work still to be done, but in the face of the entire teams grief, it could wait.

Ruth didn't stop to think until she got home, navigating the tube during rush hour, which she rarely did, usually working much later. By the time she unlocked the door to her flat, she felt like she was at breaking point. She couldn't do more than close her front door, then collapse against it. She felt too empty, too wrung out to cry, and then felt guilty for not being able to cry in the first place. She closed her eyes and just existed. Stopped all thought and simply sat. She may have actually slipped into a doze because the next thing she was aware of was Harry pushing the door against her back, clearly trying to get in. She knew time had passed but she couldn't possibly say how much.

"Hold on," she said. She got up and let Harry push it open. The grim look on his face seemed to be the trigger she needed and she leaned against him, loving the feeling of his arms tight around her. The support she needed right now as she pushed the door shut behind him.

"It's okay," he murmured. It wasn't in the slightest, but he felt like he had to say something. He kissed her cheek and she twisted herself so she could kiss the hollow of his throat. She breathed in deeply, inhaling the scent of him. Almost musky with the over laying scent of the rain from outside.

"I don't think that's the best idea," Harry said. She looked up at him, almost unaware that her fingers had been unbuttoning his shirt. "Not right now."

"No," she said with a sigh. "Sorry." She moved into the kitchen, Harry following her. He offered no argument when she poured two large whisky's and passed him a glass. "This doesn't get easier does it? Losing someone."

"It only does when you stop caring," Harry said. "And you will never be a person who doesn't care, Ruth."

"Can you stay here with me tonight?" she asked.

"No," he said after a massive hesitation. "I can't, I'm sorry. Graham in my house alone… I can't leave him there. He's just out of rehab, there's sensitive documents in my house… I can't. But you could come home with me. I meant it when I said I wanted you to live with me."

"Not tonight," she said, shaking her head. "I… after such a loss I can't put on my friendly face for someone else," she said, referring to Graham. "If I snap or shout, he'll remember it. Not the impression I want to make."

"I don't care what his impression is, Ruth," Harry said. "I need you just as much as you need me right now." She rubbed her face vigorously but said nothing. He sighed and took a step backwards and Ruth could feel the gulf between them instantly.

"Are you ever going to trust me?" he asked. "Totally and completely?"

"I do trust you," she said, insulted and it showed on her face. "I love you and trust you. My hesitation to move in with you is not from a lack of trust. My unwillingness to sleep at your house tonight has little to do with you." Harry downed the whisky and she knew he was leaving her house.

"When you decide that you need me, you know where I am," he said heavily. He turned and left her house and she didn't call him back or say a word to stop him. She downed what was left of the whisky in her glass, cursing him in her head. Arrogant arse. Why did everything always have to be his way?


	22. Chapter 22

**3:14 am.**

Ruth let herself into Harry's house, having been both unable to sleep and unable to let the argument go. She quietly went upstairs and opened his bedroom door. The lamp was on and he was awake.

"I heard you coming," he said. "Unsurprisingly I couldn't sleep after today."

"I am so angry with you, Harry," she said, keeping her voice measured and her tone calm. "How dare you say I don't trust you?" He said nothing so she continued. "Just because I don't want to have my grief watched by someone I've met once doesn't change how I feel for you one bit."

"I know," he said. She perched on the edge of the bed as he continued. "I snapped, and I shouldn't have said that. I think… the pressure of the day… What I did mean was that sometimes I feel you hold back from me."

"Maybe I do," she admitted. "But I don't mean to," she said quietly. She sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I do want you here, but I shouldn't have pressured you like that."

"Okay." She gave him a brief kiss.

"Are you staying?" he asked. She knew he'd respect whichever decision she made, but she had no intention of leaving.

"Of course I am, Harry. It's three in the morning." She took her shoes and jacket off before speaking again. "Did you speak to Adam?"

"He's in pieces," Harry said. "I don't know… how he'll be. Long term, I mean."

"I know," she said. She slipped under the covers and curled into Harry's chest. She needed to be held by him after such a dramatic and devastating day. He tangled his fingers through her hair and even in spite of Fiona's death, she felt safe. She pulled away from him for a moment. "Just let me get undressed," she said quietly. He nodded and she could feel the weight of his eyes on her body as she did. Hardly appropriate now, though. She said nothing as she slipped between the sheets and into Harry's arms.

"I don't like it when we argue," she said.

"I don't either." He stroked her hair. "Can you sleep?"

"Probably," she said. "I feel exhausted and wrung out."

"Then sleep." He knew he most likely wouldn't, but that was no reason for her to stay awake. "I love you."

"I know," she said. "Love you too."

* * *

In the morning, Ruth awoke to the smell of bacon. She opened her eyes a fraction and saw Harry with a breakfast tray of bacon sandwiches and two mugs of tea. "Oh that smells wonderful."

"To apologise for being… well, last night," he said.

"You didn't have to do that," she said. "I think we were both in the wrong." She kissed him. "But I am going to eat the bacon anyway."

He smiled at that and sat on the edge of the bed, taking a sip of his tea. "Adam called me."

"What did he want?" she asked.

"To request returning to work."

"The day after his wife died?" Ruth asked in surprise.

"I know," Harry said. "He should be in Tring."

"You can't make him go if he doesn't want to," she said.

Harry sighed heavily. "I've told him not to turn up until after the weekend at the very earliest, but…"

"Adam will need the work," Ruth said quietly. "He wont feel like himself if he's sitting at home grieving."

"I know," he said. "I don't know what to do for the best."

"Are you asking for my personal or professional opinion?" Ruth said.

"Personal," he said quietly.

"Keep an eye on him once he comes back to work," she suggested. "Make sure he's in the right frame of mind to be making operational decisions."

"Thank you," he said, eyes looking at her warmly. She smiled.

* * *

It was Tuesday when Adam accosted Ruth, asking about operation Songbird and Oleg Korsakov. She told him, guessing that he'd discover it another way if she didn't.

Later on, Harry called her to his office.

"Do you really think I don't know it was you who passed Adam that information?" he asked softly.

They sat opposite each other in his office when Harry sighed. "Are we crossing that line?" she asked. The invisible line between the personal and professional that kept their relationship possible.

"Maybe," he said quietly.

"Well, I'd hope you did know it was me. Otherwise you know me less well than I think you do." He did that lopsided little smile and that made an echo of one appear on her own face. "Adam needs to work," Ruth said. "I made a judgement call when I told him. By the way, he already knew more than he should have done, which had nothing to do with me."

"Professionally I should reprimand you for that. You're divulging state secrets to someone who, at present, probably isn't capable of working here."

"He is your friend too. He can't just sit at home thinking about his dead wife. He'll go mad."

"Is that what you would do?" he asked softly. She looked away, caught off guard by the intensity in Harry's gaze.

"Adam and I are different people," she said. "I… wouldn't know how to cope being in this building without you here. It would be wrong. If you died, I don't know if I could ever walk through the door again. But Adam is different. You know that. He and Fiona spent so much time at six before we ever knew them. Undercover together for weeks, sometimes months at a time. And even if you take that away, he is a different person than myself. I think he needs to work, and as long as you don't allow him too much freedom, he'll be okay."

"You…" Harry didn't finish his sentence because the door opened and Jo came in, folder in hand.

"I read the communi… oh," she added as Ruth moved back. She hadn't realised how close she'd been leaning towards Harry until they were interrupted. "Sorry, I'll…"

"Knock in future?" Harry suggested lightly. Jo blushed, not yet settled in enough to tell Harry or Ruth what she truly thought. Something along the lines of there's a time and a place for that, and in the middle of an operation to stop the NHS being sold to a Russian oligarch isn't one of them.

* * *

After the operation had drawn to an end, Ruth and Harry found themselves eating a Chinese takeaway at his office desk. They wouldn't normally have done that at work, but it was late and they were both exhausted. And they both knew that the lines between their personal lives and work selves were becoming more and more blurred with each day that passed.

"I feel better after food," Ruth said, closing her eyes for a moment. She couldn't really remember the last time she'd eaten. "How's Graham doing?" she asked, not wanting to talk about the operation.

"I think he's fine," Harry said. "He's not using again so that's something."

"More than something, I think," she replied.

"I don't think he'll be in my house for too long," he said. "He's talking about getting a job and… well, to be honest with you, I don't think he likes living in his fathers house. He likes his freedom too much."

"Okay," she said. "That wont influence my decision, you know," she said.

"I know," he said softly.

"I've made up my mind anyway," she said. He raised his eyebrows as if asking her to continue. "I don't like being away from you. So if you still want to, yes. I would like to live with you." She smiled as he leaned across the desk and kissed her gently.

"You mean it?"

"I do," she said. "Even when you're arrogant and stubborn, I still want to be around you." He smiled widely and kissed her again. "Do you think Graham will be okay?" she asked, changing the subject back.

"You mean, do I think he'll get hooked on drugs again when he's on his own?" he asked. Ruth nodded. "I hope not," he said. "I don't think so, but then I didn't expect him to be on heroin in the first place." He shook his head. "And right now I don't want to talk about my sons drug problems. Because I'm happy." She smiled at him as he kissed her again.

* * *

 **Thank you to those who are still reading and reviewing! Hopefully more up soon!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Moving into episode 4-9 now. Thanks to all those who are sticking with this long fic!**

* * *

Ruth had slowly started moving some of her possessions into Harry's house, but what with her current workload, it was very slow going. And she'd not even thought about moving any of her books over to his, though most of her clothes and shoes had been moved. One morning, Ruth agreed to have Harry drive her into work. She'd previously resisted, not liking the idea of announcing her private life to the grid. But since everyone who mattered knew about them anyway, and since Fiona's death… well, Harry driving her to work seemed so trivial in comparison.

"So, are we going to need a room dedicated to a library?" Harry asked casually, thinking it was better to talk about that, than the fallout he was expecting at work today from Lewis Khurvin. "When you move your books in?"

Ruth looked at her hands in her lap and smiled. "I actually had a look at them all the other day. I own more books than I thought I did."

"How many hundreds are we talking?" he asked.

"I don't know. But I don't tend to throw out books ever. So I have… quite a few." He smiled as he pulled up to a queue at the traffic lights. He squeezed her hand tightly.

"I like having you with me," he said. "It's… nice."

"Nice?" she asked.

"Well, I was struggling to think of the right adjective," he said. Unable to resist, he leaned across and kissed her briefly. Even though they were moving forward in their relationship, he knew she'd be uncomfortable with them showing affection at work, so he reasoned it would be at least eight hours before he'd be able to do that again. His fingers lightly brushed through her hair before he turned back to the road, the traffic light just changing to green.

"Have you told Graham I'm moving in?" she asked.

"Not in so many words," he said. "We don't really… talk very much. I'm too afraid of saying the wrong thing and I think he's quiet because he thinks I'll kick off. Like before. You're not exactly at the house for longer than usual, what with work."

"Mm," she said. "You do know you'll have to talk to him sooner or later."

"Yes, but I'm avoiding it," he said.

"Harry!" Her shout was unnecessary. He'd already seen the car swerving towards him. He sharply braked and jerked the steering wheel away, watching in silence as the driver kept weaving down the road.

"Christ," Ruth said, watching as the erratic car mounted the pavement behind them, colliding with the wall. "I think my life just flashed in front of my eyes."

"Are you all right?" he asked seriously. She nodded, taking her phone out of her handbag to call the accident through.

"Shall we just try to get to work in one piece?" Harry nodded and drove on.

* * *

Apparently the days unusual events were just getting started. It was still quite early in the day when Juliet came marching onto the grid with a lot of security. Ruth stood next to Adam, watching as Juliet and Harry were clearly having a loud argument.

"What exactly does Juliet think she's doing?" Ruth asked bewildered as the entire grid looked on. The blinds were open, so they could see everything, and they were clearly both angry. After Lewis Khurvin shooting those two MI5 officers yesterday, Ruth could only imagine what was being said. She watched in silence as Harry was marched from his office, clearly in disgrace. His eyes landed on hers for a long moment before he was almost frogmarched from the grid. Ruth couldn't believe it as Juliet addressed the team. Not many of her words permeated Ruth's frozen brain, but enough did. Harry, suspended? He could lose his job. No, she wouldn't comprehend that. Because if Harry left the grid, she knew that her own job would become much less enjoyable. She loved having Harry on the grid with her, and if that disappeared… well. Best not to think about that until absolutely necessary.

Juliet was speaking and Ruth drew her attention back to the present moment with difficulty. "…and no contact from anyone from section D."

Ruth opened her mouth to argue, but Adam's tight grip on her arm made her keep hold of her tongue, though with difficulty. Nothing would stop her from seeing Harry, certainly not the word of that cow.

"Adam, I need a word with you," Ruth said. Adam nodded, his eyes flicking upwards. Ruth took the silent hint and within ten minutes they were both on the roof where they were reasonably sure no one could overhear them.

"You don't seriously expect me to not contact Harry, do you?" Ruth started.

"Give it twenty four hours," Adam said firmly. "I'll meet him to discuss the case."

"Why you?" Ruth asked. What she really meant was "why shouldn't I go?" but didn't voice it.

"Ruth, you will be being watched. People know that you're… close to Harry. I think if you see him, it'll just be worse for him in the long run. I won't be so damaging." She inclined her head in agreement, though she didn't like it.

"If he's suspended for more than a few days, I won't keep away," she said.

"I know that," Adam said sincerely. "He'll be fine."

She smiled slightly. "Of course he will. I'd just rather he was here. When there's a crisis… well, I don't think there's a safer pair of hands to deal with it than Harry."

"Maybe not," he said. "This might blow over." He shrugged. "We have to go back. And it's freezing."

"Go," she said. "I just need to think."

"Don't be too long," Adam said. "The witch will be watching."

"Hm," Ruth said quietly. She looked over the city, thinking of the grid without Harry there. She loved her work, and she was good at it. But she couldn't deny that Harry was a bright spot in her working life. Even before they became a couple, it had been that way. Take away his personal attractions, she felt he was someone who honestly wanted the best for the country and the service. She dreaded to think of the state of section D were it to fall into the hands of someone like Mace. She sighed heavily and returned to the grid. Better get on with the case.


	24. Chapter 24

**Eek! Another two week gap. Sorry! I seem to have a lot more things to do this year which are getting in the way of my writing time. Not to mention work! Anyway, on with the story...**

* * *

Harry got home in a dark mood. Both for being thrown off the grid, and that for a few days he'd be kept away from Ruth. Graham looked up from his breakfast as Harry went into the kitchen.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"I've been suspended," Harry said shortly.

"Why?" Graham asked, a slight smile hovering on his lips. It was the most animated Harry had seen him in about a week.

"I made a bad judgement call," he said. "And two people died."

"Oh," Graham said. "That **_is_ ** a bad call."

"I couldn't have known what he'd do," Harry said, shaking his head. "There will probably be people watching the house," he added.

"Why?"

"To make sure I don't do anything stupid, I'd imagine," Harry said. He sighed very heavily. "And to keep an eye on me."

"How bad is it?" Graham asked seriously.

"I could lose my job," Harry said, taking his tie off. "It's all a bloody mess."

* * *

That night Ruth couldn't sleep. It'd been a long time since she'd slept without Harry by her side. Even if he got home late or had to leave early due to a JIC meeting or whatever urgency Whitehall required him for, he usually spent part of the night with her. It was a comfort to her that she hadn't realised quite how much she relied on his presence next to her. At the moment her bed felt too large and too empty. She was now resenting not giving full attention to her move with Harry. Because if she had, she'd now be in the same house as him, rather than in her own lonely one.

She sighed and rolled over, staring at her pitch black ceiling and hoping that sleep would take her soon.

* * *

It was only barely the afternoon when Adam approached her. "I need you to put the Khurvin file on a memory stick," he said. "Discreetly."

"Why?" Ruth asked quietly, making sure Juliet wasn't in earshot.

"For Harry."

"How is he?" she asked. She couldn't quite articulate the need she felt to see him. It was insane, it'd only been a little over a day. She could function without him for twenty four hours. He surely wasn't sitting at home wishing for her. Though she liked to hope he was.

"He's fine," Adam said. "Trust me."

She nodded and went to work on the memory stick for Harry.

* * *

On the bus heading home that evening, Ruth was pretending to read. She noticed instantly when Harry came on the bus, moving to sit behind her. But she didn't move, didn't make a sign that she was aware of him. Clearly her spook training went deep.

"No one's listening," Harry said quietly.

"Oh?"

"I'm sure." She sighed heavily and turned to look at him, not bothering to ask exactly how he was sure. It wasn't important right now.

"I miss you," she said. "The grid really isn't the same without you there."

"I miss you too," he said. "I'd go mad if I had to watch daytime television all the time," he added. She let a half smile appear on her face and he grinned.

"Did Adam…"

"I have it here," she said. She put her arm against the seat, memory stick in hand. Harry reached for her, his touch very soft and gentle as his skin brushed hers.

"Thanks," he said quietly. She couldn't resist from curling her fingers into her palm at the absence of his touch. It didn't take long before his hand was back, holding hers. After almost a full minute in which neither of them spoke, he shifted slightly and she knew the moment was ending. She pulled her arm back by her side as he got up to leave. "I'll be over later. I have to see you," Ruth said simply.

"Be careful," he said, not wanting to tell her that she shouldn't come over. He needed to see her too. Somewhere less public. She nodded in agreement. He brushed aside her hair and leaned forward, kissing her neck sensually. She closed her eyes as his lips and tongue briefly caressed her skin. A promise of more later, with luck.

"Later," he said, voice low. She nodded and watched as he left, her mind now miles away from the forgotten book in her lap.

* * *

Harry was in the kitchen, waiting for Ruth to come through the back door. He knew she would. It only took twenty minutes longer than he'd expected when the door opened.

"How are you?" he asked, eyes running over her figure.

"I was careful," she said, answering the question he was really asking her. "No one followed me and…" he wrapped his arms around her tightly, interrupting her. "And I missed you," she finished, speaking into his chest.

"God, it's good to see you," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"Is the house…"

"Clear," he said. "We still have a little bit of privacy."

"Good," she said. She kissed him thoroughly, needing to touch him. For several minutes they didn't speak. Words weren't necessary.

* * *

It hadn't surprised Graham in the slightest when Ruth appeared in the kitchen late at night after Harry's suspension. However he couldn't help it, Graham was curious about this woman whom his father seemed so overly attached to, in a way Graham had never seen before.

So when he woke in the middle of the night, thirsty, he couldn't help but listen at the doorway of his fathers bedroom when he heard voices. Well, he probably could help it, but he was too damn curious to stop himself.

"Sleep," Harry murmured.

"I can't," Ruth said. "I keep turning things over in my mind."

"Like?"

"How is your suspension going to work?" she asked. "What if this mess isn't cleared up, or… if it is but your proved in the wrong? That you should never have let Khurvin go. What then?"

"Let it all just crinkle out," he said with a sigh.

"Don't quote Adam to me," she said, but even Graham could hear the smile in her voice. "I don't want us to be kept apart," she said more seriously. "And I hate taking orders from that… woman."

"Ruth, you know we don't talk about her in bed," he said firmly.

"She's just such a bitch."

"She might not have my various charms but that doesn't mean you can't work for her." Ruth laughed lightly.

"I am worried though," she said. "Plus I'm going to have to sneak out of your house at God knows what time in the morning like some teenager. It's humiliating for a woman my age."

"It's only temporary," he said. "If it's any consolation I've missed you too. Over the last few days."

"I didn't realise before," she started, then tailed off.

"Go on."

"How much I need you at work. Or not exactly need, just... look forward to seeing you. How I've come to rely on seeing your face to brighten my day. Not until it's no longer there. My world can be… lonely sometimes. Especially without you." There was a heavy sigh and she continued. "That came out more sentimental than I meant it. Blame how tired I am."

"I'm worried about Adam," Harry said after a few moments silence, not knowing what to say to her words. "I think he's…"

"He's doing okay," Ruth interrupted. "Despite what you said, I am keeping an eye on him, he's my friend too."

"I know that." Ruth sighed very heavily.

"We're going to have to come clean at work, aren't we?" Ruth said. "Properly, I mean. Fully in the open. If this goes on, your suspension… I can't be kept away from you. I need you."

"Everyone important already knows," Harry said quietly. "It won't matter."

"I value you… value us too much," she said. "I no longer care what anyone says. You're more important to me."

Graham decided this was probably an opportune moment to stop eavesdropping and he quietly walked back to his bedroom, feeling more than a little guilty.

"It's taken you a while to realise that," he said after a few moments silence while he absorbed her declaration.

"Yes," she said simply. "And I'm sorry for that," she added sincerely.

"Don't be," he said. "I wouldn't want to change one thing about you. Because then you wouldn't be the woman I love." She turned towards him and kissed his chest as he held her.

"I am sorry it took me so long," she said against his chest. "I know you've been… patient."

"Mm," he agreed. "I might… disappear for a few days," he said. "To sort this case out. If I do, I don't want you to worry."

"But you're not going to tell me where you're going to go, are you?" she asked.

"No," he said. "Sorry. It's not that I don't trust you, it's…"

"I understand," she said, kissing his chest. She did, even if she'd have preferred to know.

"Can you sleep?" he asked.

"Have you set the alarm?" she asked.

"Yes."

"I'll try then." She kissed his shoulder and fidgeted in bed until she was comfy. Harry watched her in the silence of the night. Or as silent as London ever got. He didn't think sleep would come easily to him, his mind was turning over everything far too much for relaxation. But watching Ruth, for the moment, was enough to calm him.

* * *

 **Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


	25. Chapter 25

Ruth awoke slowly, in a dreamlike state, Harry's lips pressed against hers. She was warm, comfortable and happy as her hands wrapped around his body, pulling him close. She could feel him everywhere against her, skin against skin and she was fast waking up.

"You have to go," Harry murmured against her shoulder.

"What?" she asked. The room was pitch black so she couldn't see him. Then reality came back to her. Harry's suspension. "Oh."

"What time is it?"

"Just before five," he said. She groaned and rolled away from him.

"I have to go," she said, repeating his words.

"I know." He sighed heavily. "I'm hoping this… mess is sorted out today."

"So do I," she said as Harry turned on the bedside lamp. She quickly dressed in yesterdays clothes before looking at him. "I love you," she said, very quietly.

"Come here," he said. She did and he kissed her. "It'll be okay," he said. "In the end."

"Mm," she said. "I'll see you later." Harry nodded and lay in bed motionless, listening to Ruth very quietly leave his house. When he heard the faint click of the back door, he closed his eyes. He had no intention of going back to sleep, but he needed a plan of action for today. To get himself out of trouble.

* * *

Much to Ruth's surprise, the day went as smoothly as she could have hoped for. Harry and Adam had found out that Khurvin was being set up by a renegade CIA agent, meaning that Harry was off the hook.

Ruth was not the only one who was pleased that Harry had been reinstated. By the end of the day, there was a general hubbub of noise, pleased at the end of the case. Everyone had planned to have a drink at the George, and she let the conversation wash over her until Zaf approached her.

"A drink to celebrate?" he asked.

"No thanks," she said casually. "I want to wait for Harry. He'll be back on the grid soon." Everyone stopped speaking amongst themselves and looked at her. Ruth had already decided that she didn't want to hide her relationship with Harry any longer, and everyone on the grid already knew, but actually admitting it in words was different.

"Well maybe catch up later?" Adam suggested in the awkward silence.

"Maybe," she said, smiling slightly. "Thanks." Soon enough she was alone with only the gentle hum of computers for company. She let out a sigh of relief, knowing that neither she nor Harry would be stopping in to the pub tonight. They'd all be gossiping about her and Harry anyway. Let them.

Ruth continued to work, but really she was just killing time until half an hour later when she heard the pods whirring. Sure enough there was Harry.

"How are you?" she asked.

"Better," he said. "Now I'm here." He looked around at the empty grid. "Where is everyone? I'm not that late."

"Drinking at the George," Ruth said. "I wanted to wait for you." He smiled at her and walked towards her desk.

"I know you've been here all day. You should go home."

"I should," she agreed. "I don't want to go home without you. And we both know you're going to be sat in your office for at least an hour or two, catching up on everything you missed."

"Give it thirty minutes, then we'll go home," Harry said. "And I rather like the idea of having you in the bath tonight." His voice was low and it was all she could do not to take his clothes off right there.

"Do you?" she asked, eyes glowing brightly. He frowned at her as she looked away from him, seeming to remember something.

"What is it?" he asked. "What's wrong?"

"I don't want to be disturbed. Is… Graham home tonight?"

"No," Harry said. "He's got some shift work at a restaurant. He'll be late home tonight." With that, her smile returned as Harry leaned over her desk, their faces very close to each other.

"How about this," she said, speaking softly and seductively. "I'll go home, run the bath, get undressed, slip into the tub and wait for you. If you're too long, I guess I'll just have to start without you."

Harry let out a strangled groan. "That's not fair," he said.

"Then you better hurry," she said, eyes sparkling with mischief. She kissed him very gently, just a brush of lips. She wanted him badly, and got up to go home, putting her coat on and going through the pods. Harry didn't follow her, knowing that if he did, they'd most likely end up starting in the backseat of the car, while trying to avoid the drivers eye. Not what either of them wanted. He gave her a two minute head start before going into his office and grabbing the files he needed. He'd take them home, but he wasn't going to leave Ruth waiting long. The mental image of her naked in the bath was too strong to resist.


	26. Chapter 26

**An M ish chapter here, and a quicker update, yay!**

* * *

Ruth had only just slipped into the hot water when she heard the door open and shut. She smiled to herself because that hadn't taken Harry long at all. Within another minute he appeared in the bathroom, with a smouldering look in his eyes, jacket, shoes and socks already gone. For a moment she was distracted by his bare feet on the bathroom floor before her eyes returned to his face and she smiled at him. He didn't say a word, his hands going to his tie hurriedly pulling it off.

"Wait," she said. His hands stopped and he looked at her questioningly. "I want… Can you… get undressed slowly?" she asked, biting her lip. He gave her a slight smirk and he did what she asked. He slowly unbuttoned his shirt, watching her as her eyes focused on his body. He privately marvelled that she looked at him like that. With such lust and desire. He didn't understand it, not over his battered bruised body. The shirt fell to the floor and Ruth sighed to herself. He stilled until she looked in his eyes. Keeping eye contact, he unbuckled his belt noting that Ruth's breathing was becoming heavier and heavier. She sat up, leaving her wet breasts visible and he groaned, already hard.

"Harry, come here," she said softly. "I need you." He bent over the tub and kissed her sensually, her wet hands cradling his face. "Get in."

"I want this slow," he said. "As slow as I can manage." She smiled as he stripped completely and got in the tub. Ruth was momentarily grateful for Harry's large bathtub as he loomed over her.

He hissed as he got into the water. Ruth typically liked much hotter baths than he did and it was slightly uncomfortable at first. He kissed her deeply as she wrapped her legs around him, needing to touch him everywhere she possibly could.

With one arm on the bathtub for balance, his other hand crept between her thighs and started stroking her. He knew exactly how she liked it and he pushed a finger inside her, thumb teasing her clitoris gently. Soon she was gasping for breath and writhing underneath him for more stimulation. He kissed her and took his hand away as she moaned into his mouth.

"Not yet. I want you begging for it," he murmured. "Desperate for me."

"I am," she said, chest heaving as she tried to catch her breath.

"No, I don't think so," he said. "Not yet." He kept teasing her, but stopping before she could climax. By the third time, she was almost beyond words. Simply whimpering and saying "please." She'd lost the ability to think of anything beyond Harry, his hands, his body, which was exactly what he wanted.

"Wrap your legs around me," he said. She did, her hands resting on his back. He thrust into her quickly and she cried out.

"…Harry…" she moaned, feeling him stretch her deliciously.

"I love you," Harry said, kissing her again. She didn't take her eyes off of his as he moved within her. It was quite possibly the most intense and intimate time they'd ever made love because they didn't break eye contact once. There was no hiding from each other, no words needed, just the connection between their bodies. Ruth was getting close and she panted and moaned.

"Let go," he said, a hand against her cheek. She did, crying out with her climax. His was only a few moments behind and pleasure sparked through both of their bodies. Ruth sighed as Harry almost collapsed on top of her.

"You're squashing me," she said.

"Sorry," he said, shifting his weight slightly.

"Normally I don't mind, but the bathtub isn't exactly forgiving.

"Mm," he agreed. "I think another round might just finish my knees off." She laughed and he smiled at her.

"I love hearing you happy," he said, brushing her wet hair off of her face. She smiled again.

"We should move," she said.

"Yes." Harry shifted and moved out of the bath. She watched as he dried himself, enjoying the sight of his body.

"Getting out?" he asked.

She stood up, and for a moment or two she enjoyed Harry's gaze on her body. The way he looked on her with such desire always made her feel self conscious after too long. She wrapped a towel around herself and kissed Harry gently.

* * *

 **A few days later.**

Late at night, Ruth's phone buzzed with an alarm. Groaning, she rolled over in bed and looked at her phone. "Someone's breaking into my house," she said, quite casually.

"What?" Harry asked, blinking awake. "I'll call back up."

"No," she said. "Last time the alarm went off, next doors cat had jumped through my kitchen window to escape from the rain. I'll just go and check. There's nothing there to steal anyway. All of my things are here."

This was true but Harry shook his head. "You're not going on your own."

"Fine." They got dressed hurriedly in silence and Harry grabbed his car keys as they left.

"You realise you're overreacting," Ruth said as they drove. "It's probably nothing."

"No such thing as overreacting when your safety's involved."

"I really should put that house on the market anyway," she said. "It's just sitting there."

"You want to do that?" Harry asked in a carefully controlled tone of voice.

"Why wouldn't I?" she asked.

"Well…" he tailed off, concentrating as he turned right. "I thought you might be keeping that house as a safety net. In case we… us… don't work."

"No," she said. "I just haven't found the time. It's not that Harry. I trust you." She put her palm on his thigh in reassurance. He gave her a brief smile before pulling up in front of her house. The windows were dark and the house still standing, looking like nothing was amiss.

"I'll be back in five minutes," she said.

"Ruth, I can't let you go in there alone," he said.

"Fine." They got out of the car and she unlocked her front door, being careful with Harry directly behind her.

"I like what you've done with the place, Ruth," a female voice came from her living room. Without another word, Harry turned the light on. Ruth relaxed, seeing Angela Wells sitting on her arm chair (which she'd left at her house because Harry didn't need any more furniture).

"Harry, wait in the car," Ruth said quietly.

"Ruth…"

"It's fine," she said. "Please, Harry." He didn't say another word, but left her house.

"What are you doing here?" Ruth asked.

"Have you been robbed?" Angela said, looking around the obviously empty room.

"I don't really… live here any more," Ruth said.

"Oh, with Harry now are you?"

"Why do you say that?"

"Oh, come on," Angela said. "You expect me to believe that he'd go around to just any member of his team after one in the morning? You used to be intelligent Ruth."

"Fine," Ruth said. "Yes. Why are you here?"

"I wanted to talk to you about something. Something involving Harry, actually. Have you got a microdot reader?"

"I haven't got milk in the fridge, you think I've got a microdot reader?" Ruth asked.

"Okay. Well, blow this up when you have access to one. Then tell me what you think." Angela fiddled with one of her teeth and handed Ruth a tiny microfiche document.

"Why is that hidden in your tooth?" Ruth asked.

"I didn't want to be caught having it," she said. "Once you read it, you'll understand why."

"Angela, I can't help you," Ruth said.

"It might give you a different opinion of the man you're sleeping with." Ruth shook her head and attempted to hand the document back. Angela wouldn't take it.

"I'm not going to do anything to incriminate him."

"In love, are we?" Angela said, very condescendingly. "I remember that."

"This is about Peter, isn't it?" Ruth shook her head and proffered the microfiche again.

"Keep it," Angela said. "I know you and sooner or later curiosity is going to get the better of you. And you'll look." Ruth bit the inside of her cheek because she knew Angela was probably right. Even if she just wanted to know if Harry was being framed for something, she'd still look. She clenched her fist around the tiny "proof" Angela had given her. Of what, she had no idea.

"I should go," Angela said. "Do call me if you want to meet again." Angela left her house and Ruth sighed, thinking of what an earth to do with the microfiche document. She didn't want to lose it, but she also wasn't sure that she wanted to advertise to Harry that Angela had given it to her. There were no envelopes in her house to put it in and she was at a loss of what to do with it. She didn't even have her handbag with her, only her keys. With a sigh, she settled for putting it in her shoe, thinking she'd sort it out when she got home. Not the safest place but it would have to do.

"What did Angela want?" Harry asked as she got in the car.

"Nothing," Ruth said firmly.

"Oh." Harry knew she was lying but also didn't want to press her.

"It's… the anniversary of Peter's death." It was, though it hadn't exactly been mentioned.

"Ah," Harry said. "I didn't realise."

"To be honest, neither did I," she said. "I'd forgotten all about him."

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Fine." Harry didn't believe her, and she knew it too, but neither said anything as he drove off, back home.

* * *

 **More soon, and thank you to those who are still reading and especially reviewing this fic. :)**


	27. Chapter 27

**So this is a short chapter, but I wanted this scene to have it's own little place, without getting lost in a larger chapter (plus the next one isn't written yet!)**

* * *

Things weren't quite right when they were getting undressed again, after their impromptu visit to Ruth's house and the meeting with Angela Wells.

"Why don't you ever talk about Peter?" Harry asked.

"Because there's nothing to say," she replied shortly.

"He was your brother," Harry said.

"Step brother," she corrected. "I just… I only really knew him for a couple of years. Can we drop it? I don't like talking about him."

"We can drop it if you tell me what Angela really wanted," Harry said.

"You know what, I'll sleep in the spare room," Ruth said coldly.

Harry grasped her arm to stop her from leaving. "Don't walk away from me because you don't like what you hear. Talk to me."

She sighed very heavily but didn't leave the bedroom as Harry's hand dropped from her. "Fine," she said calmly.

"Just tell me," Harry said. More of a demand than a question. The silence between them was incredibly heavy and Ruth looked away from him. She knew exactly what he was asking her, even if he didn't say it.

"I know what you think anyway," Ruth said, shaking her head. "He didn't rape me. It… didn't get that far."

"How far did it get?" Harry asked quietly.

"Far enough," she said. "I can't… let my mind go there, Harry. I block it out." She sighed heavily. "As you've probably guessed, that's where my "not appendix" scar came from." She shook her head. "He got pissed off when I struggled and…" she shook her head.

"Do you need to talk about it?" he asked softly.

"Absolutely not," she said. "I can't. My defence against it is not thinking about it."

"I needed to know," he said quietly. "That you'd been through that. Before we… became intimate."

"No, you didn't," she said firmly. "Never once have I thought that maybe I should tell you. It's not sex, Harry. It's power and control. And… I didn't want you seeing it when you looked at me. I adore the way you look at me. I wouldn't want... I don't want to lose that."

"It's not your fault, Ruth," he said. "It wont change anything. I just wished you'd trusted me enough to tell me on your own. Without needing a push."

"I don't think about it," she said again. "And it was never something I wanted to admit to you in the first place."

"Come here," he said. After a moment she moved, sitting next to him on the bed. He wrapped an arm around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"Don't hide things from me, Ruth."

"I know I shouldn't," she said. "It's not exactly the easiest thing to bring into conversation." He stroked her hair lightly and they didn't speak any further. They didn't have to.

* * *

In the morning, Harry had left for an early meeting with the Home Secretary. Ruth found the microfiche document in her shoe, exactly where she'd left it. Making a decision on the spur of the moment, she crushed it under the heel of her shoe, then went to find some matches to burn it. She didn't want to read it, whatever it may say.

* * *

 **A little nervous about this chapter! Thanks for the reviews everyone!**


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